感性?

告诉自己要狠，因为吃亏了，
狠啊，
以为自己会狠起来，
但却狠不了。

要让自己对某种事物没特别的感觉，
以为自己克服得了那蠢蠢欲动的心，
以为自己能说服自己，告诫自己，
到头来还是栽了个头下去。

以为在你说了那句话，听起来很自然，但却是伤了我的心的话，
以为我会气你，
以为我会小气，
我却说没关系。

我以为我与你的交情不算很深，
不是很清楚你是怎样看待我的，
以为不会这么想念你，
但我却常常想你。

以为我很坚强，
不需要别人的可怜，
不需要别人的关怀，
但却是心灵脆弱得很。

以为很了解我自己，
以为了解自己到底想要什么，
以为自己能平衡自己的两极，
结果我根本不了解自己。

Revive-仓木麻衣

Revive

穷途末路 感情的暴风

突然出现 握紧电话听筒

Don't stop 要冷静 心里还有何愿望? Say goodbye

好像将要不由自主地告白

不能这样深陷其中 我不想失去你 my on mind

明明我是如此深深地爱着你

就让这一切联结到 心的深底

I need you baby 大声疾呼

Every night 虽然疑问不断折磨着我

我清清楚楚地听到 love forever and only one

你的声音在说 just next stage resume and "Revive"

必须马上展翅离开 我不想失去你 my on mind

明明我是如此深深地爱着你

在何处 far away

Do you mind if I open the door? 大声疾呼

Every night 对抗不安的心

我清清楚楚地听到 love forever and only one

你的声音在说 just next stage resume and "Revive"

nothing special

Somehow, I hate this hell long holiday a bit.

Today, which don't know why, I felt boring just now, although did part of the spring cleaning, not really tired. Start to think of something to do. Until I get notes to study, if not, I will boring to "death".

这几天，在测试及挑战自己的感觉. Felt like finding people to talk to but don't know who shall I find. I know whom I want to talk to but just suddenly cancel my action after I decided to do so. What's wrong with me?

Stuffs and thoughts I thought I miss and care about, lastly is not worked, because I 犹豫了.

Uso (Lie)- Sid

This song is the first ending theme of Fullmetal Alchemist season 2. Enjoy the video and lyrics shown below.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5Rplvp2Dso ( right click this address )


Uso-Sid (chinese subtitle)

那天所见的暗红色天空
呐 你还记得吗
在初夏的风中定下约定
我俩渐渐靠近
强颜欢笑的背后
藏着延长的投影
所以我也假装忽略选择再生
桌上不再震动的通知音 我一直在等待
无论空白的夜晚 还是不再到来的黎明
这一切我都懂
那天所见的暗红色天空
呐 终有一天还会忆起
怀抱着没能实现的约定
我俩继续前行





Uso- Sid (English version)

The sky we saw that day, the crimson sky; do you remember?
We made a promise, wrapped in the early summer breeze; the two of us huddled close

Stretching shadows hide behind that excessive smile
So I choose to replay that imperceptible pretense

I keep waiting for the unshakeable notice on the table
The empty night, the morning that won't come; it all became clear

The sky we saw that day, the crimson sky; have you forgotten?
The promise is broken, vanished into the early summer wind; 
the two of us can't go back to the way we were

In this room where sound, colour and warmth are all halved
Still scattered today, trembling, exhausted, I fall asleep

"Deceive me skillfully; I love you because I hate lies", those were your words
Now, these feelings are overwhelmingly painful, so it's goodbye for us

Saying that we'll meet again someday, we waved to each other, 
but it seems we won't see each other again
That final lie was a kind one; I won't forget

The sky we saw that day, the crimson sky; will you remember someday?
Embracing a promise that could not be fulfilled, the two of us set out

lyrics-Hologram

Hologram by NICO touches the walls is the second opening song of Fullmetal Alchemist season 2.

Hologram (chinese subtitle)

此刻那雪白的景色正在召唤
我将前往那未知的世界
走在迷茫的旅途中
灰色的天空下
一日一换的地图 浸透了多少个梦想
总有一天
即使如我这段窄小的步伐
是否也终能到达那片云之彼端
故作坚强
几度受伤
仿佛洗刷了心灵
从天而降
点点雨滴
重复进行着漫反射
笔直的光线
纵横交错
也不知将去向何处
向着远方
勇往直前
淡淡的残像 铭刻在眼中
在这片天空下
无论身在何方
都一定能传到
那未知的世界




Hologram (English version)

Invited by a pure white scenery now,
Ill go to a world that I still havent seen

As a lost child, I journeyed
Under the slate-gray sky.
Many dreams blotted through the map that changes daily.

Someday,
Even with my strides as I am tiny -
I wonder if I can get to the other side of those clouds.

The direct light intersects itself,
And without even announcing my destination,
I pierce through everywhere.
The faint afterimage is burnt into my eyes-
Under this sky,
No matter where I am,
I should be able to reach
The world that I still havent seen.

Unknowingly embedded in a black and white sticker -
What is important is that we had hidden.
Light from the stars from the beautiful flowers from stones of the treasure
dream of the noise and the hologram.

Scenes depicting one day against the odd man out
fly like a bubble through the loneliness and frustration.

The road is straight,
and would be stronger than now.
Now been invited to a pure white scenery,
I’ll go to a world that I still haven’t seen.

The light color of the rainbow in the sky is where
a distant voice calls me, shivering every time in the shadow of tomorrow.

The straight, scattered light
pours all at a time in the afternoon after the rain.
Now mix the infinite gradations of
this all under the sky.
We will make sure we will arrive in this world.

past tense

你已经是过去式了...
You already are past tense for me...
I live better without you...
It's alright,
It's ok.

again-Yui

This song is one of the theme songs of the newer version of Fullmetal Alchemist. This is some sort the chinese subtitle of the theme song. Enjoy...

Again

在这思念消失之前

人生还很漫长

遗憾未了之事

还想重头来过

梦的延续 本应继续追寻

蜿蜒小道上 人却绊住脚步

其实并非想回到过往

却仍在找寻失去的天空

别只为了得到理解

摆出那付出牺牲般的悲伤表情

罪的尽头不会是泪水

你需要一直背负着痛苦

在不见出口的感情迷宫中

等到着谁

白色笔记中缀满的心意

多想更坦率地说出口来

到底在逃避什么

莫非是现实

为实现梦想而生

多想大声呐喊 能听见吗

谁能忍受平平庸庸

我已无路可逃

总对你的温柔心存感激

所以想变得坚强

多么怀念

何不欢迎这痛楚

lyrics-Open up your mind

Even when it seems that nothing can go right
and you want to just give up,
if you close your eyes,
you can see the world from your heart.

In this world when life can be so tough
You must be strong
Just believe in yourself and don't you fear
So open up your mind and close your eyes
Take another look from the other side

Even on a lonely night, when you wander afraid,
you may be alone now, but
your feet can take you however far you want to go, so

Just hold on tight, because if you close your eyes,
look inside yourself, there's a shining light there.
Yes, I want you to believe in everything,
You can take another look from the other side.

Just hold on tight, even if your heart is breaking.
Reach into your soul, even if you can't see tomorrow.
Yes, if you have the strength to live,
You can take another look from the other side,
until you find all that is love

I wish for you to have the strength
to make it through this world,
so open up your mind,
and you'll be able to see...
until you find all that is love...

Just remember you are not alone
So don't you fear
Even though you're miles away
I'm by your side
So open up your mind and close your eyes
I'll be there for you no matter where you are

The stars may live for a long time, but that doesn't mean
that the same days will repeat over and over forever.
Noone can see into tomorrow.

Just hold on tight, because if you close your eyes,
look inside yourself, you'll feel a heartbeat.
Yes, I want you to believe in the future.
You can take another look from the other side.

Just hold on tight, even if your heart is breaking.
Reach into your soul, even if you can't see tomorrow.
Yes, there's another world out there.
You can take another look from the other side,
and you'll be able to find all that is love...

Just hold on tight, because if you close your eyes,
look inside yourself, you'll feel a heartbeat.
Yes, I want you to believe in the "future."
You can take another look from the other side

Just hold on tight, even if your heart is breaking.
Reach into your soul, even if you can't see tomorrow.
Yes, there's another world out there.
You can take another look from the other side,
until you find all that is love...

one month

One month just passed as holiday. Another 2 months for holiday. Gonna be jobless starting from next Thursday. Zzz...

What has happened in this one month? Besides 处理 my dilemma. I thought I really let it go totally, but seriously haven't really totally. Still a little bit and it really bothers me sometimes. Time heals, so I just wait the time to bring my dilemma away and also I will give on effort to myself to let go of it. I want to be FREE from this.
I also waited for results. Finally I got it, informed by my friend through handset when I was still at school. I was so nervous that time. Luckily I had no more classes after I received the call. If not, I really scared I can't pay attention in teaching. Overall, still ok, although not what I wanted, results was still ok, not dropped to the very unexpected.

Teaching again...sometimes very free, sometimes very busy. Sometimes, I scolded every time I entered class. Of course I don't wish to scold, but then those students really 欠骂...won't be having breathing difficulty after long time scolding because I used 丹田气...haha. The weird thing is my voice turned a little bit low even though I haven't start to work as teacher in the holiday. What's wrong ya? However, with this lower voice, I can scold and talk louder, shout also louder and 有力...hehe. Can create greater effect for shutting the student's mouth and make the class quiet.

Am I looking forward for the days being jobless or wanna continue working? I have plans in the holiday, although not occupied, I need time to rest too...so most probably won't continue work.
Waiting forward for days later...for rest, relax, plans, anything...

is torturing

Is hard to set a title. I stared at the screen for so long just for a title. Well, straight to the point.

我告诉自己，这三个月假期，可用来整理我的整体思绪，那感觉，考试所带来的压力(以致带来上星期一的病，虽然只是一个晚上，但那病比我在外求学时的病来得更严重; 不说这个了)

我有点relieved的感觉因为假期到了，我有机会可以整理整体的思绪，告诉自己，不再让自己被这种感觉折磨，不再让自己对一个人那么好，不再让自己陷入这种矛盾，再也不要了. Recalling, 偏偏那个时候它太靠近我的年终考试，我还在过渡期, 我好辛苦才让自己真正专心，我不晓得这次的成绩会否因为那来的不是时候的感觉所影响，我知道不会，但还是会有少许的，多多少少, 只希望不会太糟. I did my very best without letting myself screwed in that contradictory so much. I really studied very hard for the exam.

Unfortunately, in the holiday, 真的有点折磨，因为我竟然不敢与他交谈，即使是平时我们会crap all the time, now I even don't know how to start a crap conversation. Start a simple conversation like, "hi", "how are you", seems so hard too... 我想他真的不知道这件事，但...我竟然不知道或忘记了自己是如何与他开始谈天的. When almost getting to sleep, 满脑子都是你. Oh crap! 那时的我是怎么了? 我是惯了那种交谈方式就因为那感觉? 我惯了，感觉不在了，连一个如何与他交谈的方式的回忆都不留? 我想我还是慢慢适应吧, in holiday, is really nothing much to crap about. Oh ya, is true, screw me, I really think too much. 告诉自己我只是想太多. Haiz, I think I really think too much, this hell long holiday really sucks, making room for me to think too much, TOO MUCH of craps. I should have put everything down. 啊......!!! 很烦啊，我是不是自找烦恼?

You know what, I won't let this torture me anymore, I will let it off! Trust me, tomorrow will be better. Just assume that I am a coward that 我以为你知道，其实我知道你根本不会知道我在想什么, 自己心理作祟!

a meaningful day

Well, Monday night was a bad day for me. Damn that day!!! However, I was fine on Tuesday, and totally fine on Wednesday onwards.

On Wednesday, I met up with my friend, Kuan ( in English, I prefer to call her that way ), Well, she is older than me, so, I consider her as my sister. She taught me, no, not to say teach, is inspired me in many ways. I do appreciate her that she always care about me as her friend. I do also care about her.

Actually no one (I mean my friends that know me) actually realized my relationship with my mother (with my family will be a better answer, but with mother is the worst) is bad except her. Don't care how she realized, because I also don't know and I myself don't want to accept the truth that my relationship with my mother is actually not that good until she seriously tell me when we had that conversation on Wednesday. That time, we became colleagues and good friends in that not big and not really small office, so maybe she took that opportunity to understand me. I appreciated that and I certainly won't blame her why she cares too much. I WON'T!

She shared a lot of things with me and she did inspired me and made me realized many things. She has confidence on me that I can do better to fix the relationship with my mother if I can step out one pace (踏出第一步), since I can't change my mother, then maybe I can change myself to influence my mother. Well, I actually don't really understand why she has so great confidence on me while I myself don't have such confidence in myself. By the way, she told me that, she knows my attitude, she knows I am not a person that will give up easily. Oh ya? I hope I am. Let say it is. Since she has confidence on me, then shall I give up without having a try? I think I will let her disappointed if I do so. Agree?

Ok...I just need time...ya, time, I just need that.

一场恶梦

During this exam week, of course, I am busy with my notes, books, no time for me to think other thing else.
就在我真正放下后，有一天，睡觉时，竟然梦见我向他表白，而他竟然接受! 我们还在一起. 当时就快要天亮了，当场被吓醒. 睡不下去了. That's ridiculous! 害到我的心不能定下来整整半天，读书读了整半天，没什么进脑. 我是真的放下了，为何会这样呢?

告诉自己，那是一场恶梦...那不是真的...

从我开始对他有感觉时，都不想对他说，不想让他知道，也不能让他知道，为何就是要有这场梦呢? 真讨厌!!! 讨厌的是我会有那样的反应(我的心不能定下来整整半天). 这意味着什么? 有谁可以告诉我?



我觉得到最后是我自己要清楚自己是在想些什么...

真正完结篇

说真，不知何时开始有的感觉，一直到现在的death phase. 从不肯定到肯定，从“拿起”到放下，那种日子真的很难过但也有开心的，因为看见及感觉到他珍惜自己所付出的，感到高兴. 不曾想让他知道那个付出是只是为了他的，因为我就是不想让他知道. 过程我知道我在做些什么，为了谁，值不值得，那些问题留给我自己就好了.然而现在已放下了，不再想了，才能收拾心情，轻松地过接下来的日子.

那过渡期真的好不容易地度过. 然而我已度过了.

续篇

我正经历着过渡期...
Hope nothing much will happen. -->touch-wood (of course hoping nothing will happen la) ==


过渡期啊,你不好折磨我哦...hope my EQ is 坚定 enough. Friends, thanks for listen to me. I sure can overcome it, as I decided to let it go.


All the best to myself...!!!

my feeling in some days

I got this lyrics somewhere, it suits my feeling that arised and resolved few days ago.

The dream is taking me higher

The moon is taking me higher

Take a moment to gaze at you now
And you're looking so lovely in the moonlight tonight
Hearing you in the radio
Seeing you everywhere and in my heart

It's the right time tonight
I can feel it understand
It is the right time tonight for love
Time to get it right for me

My heart is dancing so good
I keep on dreaming of you
The dream is taking me higher this is true
My world's alive 'cause I'm dreaming of you
Everything's shining

My heart is dancing around
I keep on dreamin' of you
The moon is taking me higher this is true
I ain't no blue 'cause I'm dreaming of you
Everything's feeling good!

Nothing ever is taking me down
'Cos as far as I'm happy I'm together with you
You will help me to change my life
Showing me where you are in my heart

It's the right time tonight
I can feel it understand
It is the right time tonight for love
Time to get it right for me

My heart is dancing so good
I keep on dreaming of you
The dream is taking me higher this is true
My world's alive 'cause I'm dreaming of you
Everything's shining

My heart is dancing around
I keep on dreamin' of you
The moon is taking me higher this is true
I ain't no blue 'cause I'm dreaming of you
Everything's feeling good!

故事的完结篇

我不肯定那是不是喜欢的感觉，但我选择不继续想，不想想太多，不能想太多.
但最近听到朋友说到喜欢的感觉是怎样的，就有点肯定的感觉.

我常想见到他，
我常想与他说话，
我会比较关心他，
我会在乎他,
...

但我已选择放下，我不想到最后朋友都没得做，到最后若那个人真的知道了，大家会很辛苦. 那我宁愿他永远都不知道. 在我还没肯定那是不是那种感觉之前，我觉得自己有必要抽身，至少我知道长痛不如短痛. 在分析那种感觉的那几天，日子总觉得非常的难过，我毅然做了这个决定，无论是不是这种感觉(就算是)，我也没力气与自己的想法纠缠下去. 就当作我懦弱吧，就是因为那份不肯定，不懂是不是，弄得我的日子这么难过，这么狼狈的那几天. 也就在我分析的那几天，我还需要面对他，唉，自己就是这么犯贱，我选择帮他做一些事情. 就算是为了他吧，我愿意...让我自己的心情好过一点. 犯贱到...

那段日子真的很难过，很痛苦...
是自己拿来的吗?


不管结局(自己的感觉转换成什么)，我不要再想了...

再次

避开你，
我要远离你，
我不敢见到你，
我怕...

最近做很多傻事，连我自己在之后也觉得自己很不可理喻...但至少它会是个好结果...但愿如此...

希望那不是真的. 我不是说笑...


By the way, people, 别想歪...Haha...

好感?喜欢?or 什么都不是?

You can consider this as creation or my feeling. Guess la...


喜欢=开始会想念他了，寂寞及无聊时，很想和他聊，你会关心他，任他做什么事(usually that will make me angry if others do so), 任他撒娇也没关系...this is what I quoted from my friend's blog and I modified some. This is how I felt recently.

然而，因为某些事，把我给“惹恼”了，我竟然因为他的一些举动和言语而哭了, 我必须让他知道我其实在想什么. 当然他不知道我竟然哭了...

我常很想见到他，很想关心他，很想鼓励他，很想帮他，尤其拾回信心. 因为我很可能不会再见到他了. 那漫长的假期，我好怕会很难过...
我任他撒娇(although I don't 吃这一套--> for most of the people), 任他问无聊的问题. 我想尽我所能去安慰他(I am not good in consoling people, but only a good listener).

我不准他说丧气的话，他开心时，我会替他开心,他难过，灰心，我会勉励他...

我接不下去了...

==

从来没试过被某些事情弄到眼泪这么地不听使唤...

我真的被你惹哭了...

是一种遗憾吗?

对于一些人，我是被惦念的, 被人注重的,
对于另外一些人，我常常都是那个被遗忘的,
自从那个时候，就被 isolated,
难道你们就从来没当我是一分子吗?
但是我想说的是，冷掺热，热的会伤了冷的，
在这里, it won't be have equilibrium, 那冷的一面不会只待在那里...
它向往自由，不只是在那小小的communication 空间
我总觉得热所给予的痛比冷给的来的强.

(What am I talking?)

我感激一些朋友还是会默默地支持我,
我虽然是外冷, 但在对的时候，是不会少了我的支持及聆听...

死党及蛮认识我的都说我是外冷内热，也许是吧...
或许我看起来会很冷漠，但我不是无情...
后知后觉，或许是个恩赐吧，太敏感，我想我会透不过气...

我只想告诉你们，我是在意你们的.

很...

遇见及认识你，
感觉上有了生命中的动力，
会为你而更加地努力，
会为你操心，
渐渐会更加为他人着想，
你让我做出了许许多多的改变...

你让我想常常见到你，
你让我常常想着你，
你让我想陪在你身边，
陪着你，
你不开心时，我会比你更不开心，
你开心时，我会替你高兴...

我想你...

some nice words

The Moment you are in Tension
You will lose your Attention
Then you are in total Confusion
And you will feel Irritation
Then you will spoil personal Relation
Ultimately, you won't get Co – Operation
Then you will make things Complication
Then your blood pressure may raise Caution
And you may have to take Medication
Instead, understand the Situation
And try to think about the Solution
Many problems will be solved by Discussion
This will work out better in your Profession
Don't think it's my free Suggestion
It's only for your Prevention
If you understand my Intention
You will never come again to Tension
- Bill Gates

challenge

From now onwards,

A real challenge will be coming,
a real burden strikes my back,
hope that I can withstand,
hope that it can strengthen my patience,
build up more strength in me.

I need more strength...
I will have more strength!!!

lyrics

I found this song is quite suit my condition recently. Just to dedicate to anyone.



Translation of lyrics: Doubt and Trust

Without sight of the end, I run on
Towards the shapeless peace in the distance

A glimpse confines me and leaves me in loneliness

The sky greets those who fly
I don’t fear being controlled

The dazzling brightness that I aspire for
is to change everything

I cannot forgive anyone, where can I go?

Out of the light
Is born the darkest shadow
As lies obscure the truth
Deception pierces our souls
We may never break through this endless night
But that tiny, selfish dream remains that we'll see another morning

If we can just accept our sins, and the pain they bring

A voice whispers, “I want everything”

Without catching up to the things that I’m losing

My fingers that yearn for the rest don’t notice the coldness

If you left behind love, then it stayed on my lips

Only light gives birth to darkness
Warmth accumulates doubt and make its way to my thoughts
That which I vowed in my chest that crossed with yours
Doesn’t mind the eternal scar and carves into me

Before it disappears in the crevice that time constructs

Out of the light
Is born the darkest shadow
As lies obscure the truth
Deception pierces our souls
We may never break through this endless night
But that tiny, selfish dream remains that we'll see another morning

If we can just accept our sins, and the pain they bring

feelings that shouldn't have

I am confused now...

I shouldn't have this feeling towards this person. I SHOULD NOT HAVE IT!!! I may ruin myself and the person as well. Or just I think too much,
Or I am just too helpful. 出于好心,而不是有意思...

嗯,I think I just think too much recently, because I still not really occupied with works. I wanna to be really occupied. Ok la, I just think too much...

feeling

You all can consider this as a created story or true story. Two characters here, K and Q.

Suddenly felt not really in the right sense and right feeling. K shouldn't have such kind of feeling now. That kind of feeling was just irritated and make K confused. Again, after one period of time, it just come back again? K was very confused.

Went to Q's house. K was just want to test the feeling towards Q. K only realized, this feeling is not true. How relief K was... But K still scared, scared if the feeling is really true but K was just ignored own feeling that time.

K always thought to protect Q. K felt happy to do so, felt like having the responsibility. Felt like finding chance to meet Q. K can be as happy as K could be to not make Q worry. K would try to let Q express the problems faced. K helped Q as much as K could be. K is sad if can't help Q. K wanna Q felt she has the protection. But K was so scared to let Q know that kind of feeling. K also just could't let Q know.

K decided to just let it be...

finding

Not really in the right mood recently. My mind kept on distracted. My mind is blur literally. Don't really wanna think something. Don't really wanna do thinkings.

Get irritated and lose temper easily...
Not really smooth in some physically and chemically activities...

When is these situations gonna end?
I want to have clear and peace mind.

Hope everything will be better.

my thoughts

After I got my Year 1 Semester 2 final result, I was happy because I have improved compared to first semester's.

The most disappointed thing is, I don't know this consider disappointed or sad or else, I knew I couldn't finish the paper that day, I have realized what would be happened to my results. That moment, I just hope I won't get a C for chemistry. My hard work and my talent is going to be considered as wastage if I got a C. I knew I studied hard, I should deserved better even though I couldn't finish the paper. I was totally disappointed because I know I could't get an A for chemistry on that day after times up. So sad that time. But based on my talent and ability, I shall get a B. A B- to me, is quite hurt. Maybe I am just not really hardworking enough. I can just think like that to let myself feel not so guilty and continue to disappointed.

Now, no more chemistry-based subjects, but related to a bit theory from chemistry. Hope I can "transform" my love to biology subjects. Let it be balanced. I must let the interests be counterbalanced. I shall do this better.

摆脱

我要摆脱矛盾，
我想摆脱懦弱，
我要摆脱得过且过的性格，
我想摆脱累赘，
我要摆脱负面思想,
我想我能够争气些...

我要...
我想...

我会做得更好...

give me answer

我算不算是个偏激的人?

Because I don't believe in anything, can be considered as free thinker ( in the sense of belief ), I won't simply believe other people, even some matter such as love, relationship, existence of somebody/something upmost there, faith...etc.

Sometimes my mind and thinking may not the same as others, so am I considered a weird person? as I always being accused so...>.< I may think things in radical way, people may say I am so irrational and 小气，斤斤计较, because I don't wish to 与自己过意不去. Of course, I won't overact. Don't worry. I won't harm you no matter how I 不爽 towards you.

no explanation for this

我发觉有时的我，是真的很矛盾!!!

有些事我明明是这样想，
自己却在否认，
自己却明知故做，
...

说不出还是说得出的矛盾

My semester final is coming so soon. Normally the scene before the finals coming is everyone is looking, blaming, wondering their coursework marks for every subject. Of course, I won't be the unexceptable ones la...

However, until now, I only know two out of five subjects' coursework marks.>.<. One is quite satisfactory although not the one I want if compared to others. Really feel 不爽 and I know the person's tactic in getting so high marks for assignments, as I know the person is not really good. The other one, damn it, so low!!! I really no eye see that.>.<

The most confident subject, Physical Chemistry, the most ridiculous thing is I still don't know my coursework marks, in fact, nobody knows.
Actually, I am in between of wanna know and don't want to know my coursework marks. By the way, I wish it is as what I expected and not lower than it supposed to be la...if based on my effort and talent, it can't be lower than it should be.If not, I will be in sadness and regretful-ness and the most is I will be in "heart attack". Since I can't do anything after I know it ( even though mine is not as I expected ), so no point also for knowing it so late like that, destructing my mood only.
If I know mine, sure I want to know others. ( I am a "kiasu" person ), especially those I 不爽 to. If they get higher than me, I scared I will "lost control". So, I rather don't want to know.

当然我不能说我在化学科是很强的学生。但，至少在众多我所学的科目之中，化学是我最强，最拿手的科目。我当然不希望别人比我好。原谅我这自私的想法，因为难得“有机会出头”，你当然不想别人超越你。想象着，如果你被你不爽的人及你预想不到的人超越你，你会服气吗？答案当然是不会!!! 我会更拼，废话，这是当然的，及更偏激的，我会更虚伪地对待他们，来balance回自己。要不然，会与自己过意不去。请谅解我的心情，但别误解我的用词。

lost concentration

Recently I was so lost and blur. What am I bothering about?! I can't focus in my studies. I know I don't like particular section, am I trying to run away from that topic? Please, I need focus, please shift me back.
I don't want distraction.
I want focus.
FOCUS...
focus...
focus...!!!

I don't have any idea why I behave like that, why I feel like that. What am I bothering? What am I considering? What am I worrying?

Tell me,
tell me,
tell me...why?!

I am back

After abandoned it for so long, lastly I come back to face my own feeling. I was too busy to face my own feelings as I was too busy recently regarding homeworks. Reports, preparation for presentations, quizzes, tests. Lastly now I can sit and think deeply what have I lost in denying my own feelings. I have lots of feelings and wanna to express it out. But because of time constraint, now only I come back.
Sorry ya, blog. abandoned you for so long. So sorry.

I am speechless for this

Today, my friend told me a big issue. A shocked ones and enough to make me feel speechless.
She told me that a friend of us told my friends in my group, ( the friend mentioned is from different group of practical, some more different tutor for different group ) that I taught the wrong thing. Their tutor said the calculation I guided them for the first experiment is wrong. She told them very loudly in blaming tone. She blamed me. I am not there that time, if not she won't dare to say so loud.

My friend, let her be S, before telling the issue, she asked me not to angry after knowing this. She said that time the friend who blamed me ( let her be M ) told this very loud. S heard. She felt very not worth for me and angry when M said so about this issue. She said she and her friends who has guided by me won't blame me for this. She said I had guided and helped them so much. If not me, they have been lost. Wah, feel touched. I feel paiseh la when she said that to me. Anyway, I am happy to know many people appreciate my help.

What can I say about this? Angry? I thought I will angry, but NO! But speechless, a terrible ones. I put in effort in searching information and tried my best in doing my best for my own report and help others if they asked to. What I get is this? I don't mind if others don't want accept the help or my points, but just please respect other people's effort. Stand in other people's shoes and think. I just feel very speechless.

I am ok now.

Best friend

I found this song is meaningful to me to express myself to my best friend. Here, I present to you.

I don't have to worry anymore, cause you will be by side when I cry
You always smile at me
I am blessed because you always shine before me
Things that we have missed hastily at time, that's the way it is
Faces that always being looked at
Forever hugging each other
Your smile has helped me endless time, you know
Thank you thank you Best Friend

These plenty happiness that I felt at this moment
All the friends that I have here, you're the best present
I am blessed because you always be by our side
Surely things that I have accomplished here, those things too give me strength (change to strength)
Faces that always being looked at
Forever hugging each other
All of your smile has helped me endless time, you know
Thank you thank you Best Friend

Things that we have missed hastily at time, that's the way it is
Faces that always being looked at
Forever hugging each other
Your smile has helped me endless time, you know
Thank you thank you Best Friend

Always always always my Best Friend

conditions

最近发生许多状况，
好想躲一躲，
好让自己有个呼吸的空间，
暂时躲开这恼人的世界...

hope and hopes

和好
好像只在刹那间
上网对话的那一段时间
说长不长
说短不短
但大家都在极力补偿着对方
极力挽救
极力辩解
极力舒缓这闹僵的局面

希望一切变得更好
希望大家不再有误会
希望大家谅解对方