is torturing

Is hard to set a title. I stared at the screen for so long just for a title. Well, straight to the point.

我告诉自己，这三个月假期，可用来整理我的整体思绪，那感觉，考试所带来的压力(以致带来上星期一的病，虽然只是一个晚上，但那病比我在外求学时的病来得更严重; 不说这个了)

我有点relieved的感觉因为假期到了，我有机会可以整理整体的思绪，告诉自己，不再让自己被这种感觉折磨，不再让自己对一个人那么好，不再让自己陷入这种矛盾，再也不要了. Recalling, 偏偏那个时候它太靠近我的年终考试，我还在过渡期, 我好辛苦才让自己真正专心，我不晓得这次的成绩会否因为那来的不是时候的感觉所影响，我知道不会，但还是会有少许的，多多少少, 只希望不会太糟. I did my very best without letting myself screwed in that contradictory so much. I really studied very hard for the exam.

Unfortunately, in the holiday, 真的有点折磨，因为我竟然不敢与他交谈，即使是平时我们会crap all the time, now I even don't know how to start a crap conversation. Start a simple conversation like, "hi", "how are you", seems so hard too... 我想他真的不知道这件事，但...我竟然不知道或忘记了自己是如何与他开始谈天的. When almost getting to sleep, 满脑子都是你. Oh crap! 那时的我是怎么了? 我是惯了那种交谈方式就因为那感觉? 我惯了，感觉不在了，连一个如何与他交谈的方式的回忆都不留? 我想我还是慢慢适应吧, in holiday, is really nothing much to crap about. Oh ya, is true, screw me, I really think too much. 告诉自己我只是想太多. Haiz, I think I really think too much, this hell long holiday really sucks, making room for me to think too much, TOO MUCH of craps. I should have put everything down. 啊......!!! 很烦啊，我是不是自找烦恼?

You know what, I won't let this torture me anymore, I will let it off! Trust me, tomorrow will be better. Just assume that I am a coward that 我以为你知道，其实我知道你根本不会知道我在想什么, 自己心理作祟!