Since you have be with her as good friends or more looked like sisters, you have changed a lot. I am not sure whether you are actually a kind of person like that or being influenced.
I feel like something is influencing or controlling. Whenever I want to talk to you, your friend seems that don't want us to be together and seems like wanna be between us. Or you don't want to talk to me, don't want alone with me, so you find an excuse to ask your friend to be in between us? I prefer you to be honest, because you are the one always ask other people to be honest to you whenever they have any doubts. Screw you! Don't you know what is privacy? I ask you are the one only join it but you ask other people too? Don't you know what is respect means? You asked other people to join then you inform me later that, is this called respect? Or you think sure I won't refuse or reject that? I shall have refuse that.
What you recently did made me feel like I am a stupid. Honestly tell you, I hate what you have done. I know you did it, but just that I have no proof to prove that. Even though I ask you, I am sure that you will deny what you have done like an innocent people. Screw that again! Please, please don't ruin your own image and your impression in my mind. I don't wish to accept the fact that you have actually hurt me a lot but you made me like a stupid...
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
unbelievable
Normally the colour in a blog post indicate the mood of writing and the feeling of writing that particular post.
In this post, seriously, I have no idea on what colour to choose. I chose this because it looked quite moody and secrecy and a little wicked-ness. LOL
A friend told me a lot of things, (not to say that I fully believe, but I understand how much and how far she gone through, how hurt is the friend).
After she talked, we realized that we were talking those same persons. We exchanged stories. Then we realized that, how sarcastic and how ridiculous one person can be. I think I told the wrong person the wrong thing. However, never mind. I don't really care anymore. Just that I feel that is very "funny" and ironic on how can 2 persons that are sarcastic enough can be good friends. Is it same characteristics possess attraction? It is SO IRONIC!!! I think you all will be feeling weird of the tone in writing this blog, because one of the person is S. After knowing these, it is so unbelievable. No wonder I heard so much of rumours of S.
I started to think about that. Does S ever consider me as friend? Or someone that can be used? Even though S said something that I feel warmth, I started to doubt that now.
For everything that said and deduced, IT IS SO UNBELIEVABLE!!!
In this post, seriously, I have no idea on what colour to choose. I chose this because it looked quite moody and secrecy and a little wicked-ness. LOL
A friend told me a lot of things, (not to say that I fully believe, but I understand how much and how far she gone through, how hurt is the friend).
After she talked, we realized that we were talking those same persons. We exchanged stories. Then we realized that, how sarcastic and how ridiculous one person can be. I think I told the wrong person the wrong thing. However, never mind. I don't really care anymore. Just that I feel that is very "funny" and ironic on how can 2 persons that are sarcastic enough can be good friends. Is it same characteristics possess attraction? It is SO IRONIC!!! I think you all will be feeling weird of the tone in writing this blog, because one of the person is S. After knowing these, it is so unbelievable. No wonder I heard so much of rumours of S.
I started to think about that. Does S ever consider me as friend? Or someone that can be used? Even though S said something that I feel warmth, I started to doubt that now.
For everything that said and deduced, IT IS SO UNBELIEVABLE!!!
2010 is going towards the end
Well, it is a routine for me to write down what happened to me, no matter how sad, happy, terrific, horrible, unfortunate, blessed, etc in a whole year, during towards the end of a year. What I knew that is this year is much more different than those previous years because for so many years, year 2010 is the most meaningful, for now.
In January, it is Year 2 Semester 2 in Biochemistry. Taken Metabolism II, Molecular Biology, Genetics and Culture & Communication. (Exclude Pendidikan Moral here because I think that is a useless subject to study). I like Genetics the most, and Metabolism II the next. I think I shall be liking Molecular Biology, but too bad, I don't know why got such lecturer, I felt like I learn nothing much in Molecular Biology. Screw the lecturer! And that's why I won't choose Molecular Biology work for Final Year Project, after all, my interest is not in Molecular Biology thingy, but more on chemistry and bioassays.
Met such a ridiculous person. I mentioned the person in my blog before, the person's name is C, and I told you all here that C is a she. Her attitude and whatsoever, made me think that how tolerant am I to tolerate, to deal with, to communicate with this person. She hurt me a lot, but I am "stupid" enough to just bear it and avoid it. Because I know I sure lose in this kind of debate or handling. So, was a hard time for me. However, I got a good friend to listen to me and let me express myself. And I know what should I do. For me, friendship, if want to continue, I may need time to think; but now, I can say that, I don't wish to have a friend like you. However, don't worry, you won't be my enemy because you are not worth to be hated. Lolz. Well, to describe some of the characteristics that is quite common, I shall say, is obvious in her and also common in some people in society. She is kinda person who likes to think she is right for everything, making other people like a dumb or stupid. Friends, among each other, respect is important. Please respect other when talking or doing something. Even though the person you deal with is a bit weak, but you are not right in everything. You are just looked right (LOL). The next characteristics: SARCASTIC. Who doesn't know that. Everyone is fake and got a little sarcastic, the difference is how you express it. Her sarcastic-ness is very obvious until I could say that many people hate her very much.
Sarcastically, I knew that is C planned the birthday celebration for me. I am touched for that, thanks for her for planning it, I know at least I get her to appreciate me as a friend but the most touching moment is the classmates celebrating and the lecturer involved cooperated for it. Thanks a lot!
Around March, if I am not mistaken, the damn incident happened just after my birthday. Because of a misunderstanding, can make a guy so "small gas". Cut it short, the guy kept "bombard" her (C) with nonsense questions, thinking that he is very macho and putting revenge in behalf of others. He "bombarded" my group in presentation. However, main focus in on her. Our group, if not because of him, can end well, and won't interrupt other groups for presentation. Because of him, our presentation taken 1 hour. =.= (That's the reason why she is being hated so much, because gone too far in treating people; I also saw how CHILDISH can a person be) --> I wish to forget about this ridiculous incident.
Around that time too, my uncle, Chin Hoong asked me to join bible study. I joined it. Until now, and I still will join it. That time, I don't know how great of God is. I joined it, because I think I can learn some life lesson. That time I met a lot of new friends.
End of May, followed Max and Crystal to Penang. Their big family, I mean PCDC (Penang Christian Disciples Church). Got to mix with them better. I enjoyed being with them. I feel warmth. Got to know more friends. Is a nice feeling, even they don't know me much, but still care for you, concern about you, is this part of the love from God? I remembered one of them said that I looked punk when she met me for the first time. She played bass guitar that time. Many people said that I am cool that time, until don't dare to talk to me (another one told me after got to mix well with me). SERIOUSLY, had a lot of fun with them even I don't know them very much.
Joined the outing to CCC. And also the hiking to and camping at Pantai Kerachut in August. Someone is very kind to sponsor the payment of the 2 days 1 night trip which I don't know the reason for the person to do so. I am very grateful for that, until now I still don't know who is that, however, a great appreciation from me. Thanks to THAT PERSON again. From that, I experienced the first time sleeping in tent, playing quite crazily with friends and get to know and mix better with friends. I got to talk with someone I think that I can trust to of my confusion of feeling to someone, whom is S in my posts for the past half a year. She found me a counselor. I also told these to Max and Crystal, they told me to pray to God. Since that time, I started to pray. They got keep track on what and how I felt.
Around June, I decided to consult an endocrinologist regarding the pain that persists for long and also the swelling that never cease. The doctor checked the blood test and diagnosed that I was overdose with medicine, Euthyrox. That's why my metabolic rate SHOOTS UP and my other symptoms leads me to hyperthyroidism. Doctor also prescribed me prednisolone, at first, I haven't realize that is for reduce inflammation of thyroid glands. (I think that time I was too excited to know that everything can be ok, so didn't ask doctor why prednisolone is for...LOL. The next 3 months, is PAIN again. I dragged one month only got to meet the doctor again because I don't exactly know what happened and I don't have the time yet to meet the doctor, as I need to travel to outstation to meet the doctor. My blood test showed that the thyroid hormones are in normal level. Then doctor suspected is my genetic composition caused me to have inflammation in thyroid glands. For your information, inflammation in thyroid glands has no cause, it just inflamed like that. Doctor also told me that I can't overstress myself, if not, the pain would be coming back even more often. Oh my gosh, which means pain in every few months? FYP is driving me crazy and even more tension, pain was coming back after 3 weeks...== Alternative medicine other than steroid is found. Inflammation and pain subsided after medication for 3 days. The pain had made me has better self-control in dealing with temper, irritation, emotion changes. Thanks for the pain. Thank God for the consequences and lessons. In fact, the thyroiditis and hyperthyroidism had made me to more patience, tolerance, because thyroid disorder is life-long disease. I have no choice but have to accept that I need to take medicine for life-long.
Shocked that my FYP supervisor (boss) changed my FYP title in October. Everything feels like starting all over again. However, get to learn more things, which is the exciting part. I already expected that period for my FYP benchwork will be extended. I can only see my coursemates leaving one by one from the lab. However, for me, is just fine, because I get peace of mind. At the same time, I need to be patient, be smarter, be more initiative in doing my lab work. FYP taught me of time management and lotsa things dealing with communication. I found back myself in doing lab work. I am so not myself if I am not doing anything or too free. I enjoyed lab work. To deal with my boss, I need to be super careful because of his attitude and his routine.
The most important thing that I want to emphasize here is I get to know God, even though I haven't get to "meet" Him yet. Thanks to my new friends. Thanks for the love given.
In January, it is Year 2 Semester 2 in Biochemistry. Taken Metabolism II, Molecular Biology, Genetics and Culture & Communication. (Exclude Pendidikan Moral here because I think that is a useless subject to study). I like Genetics the most, and Metabolism II the next. I think I shall be liking Molecular Biology, but too bad, I don't know why got such lecturer, I felt like I learn nothing much in Molecular Biology. Screw the lecturer! And that's why I won't choose Molecular Biology work for Final Year Project, after all, my interest is not in Molecular Biology thingy, but more on chemistry and bioassays.
Met such a ridiculous person. I mentioned the person in my blog before, the person's name is C, and I told you all here that C is a she. Her attitude and whatsoever, made me think that how tolerant am I to tolerate, to deal with, to communicate with this person. She hurt me a lot, but I am "stupid" enough to just bear it and avoid it. Because I know I sure lose in this kind of debate or handling. So, was a hard time for me. However, I got a good friend to listen to me and let me express myself. And I know what should I do. For me, friendship, if want to continue, I may need time to think; but now, I can say that, I don't wish to have a friend like you. However, don't worry, you won't be my enemy because you are not worth to be hated. Lolz. Well, to describe some of the characteristics that is quite common, I shall say, is obvious in her and also common in some people in society. She is kinda person who likes to think she is right for everything, making other people like a dumb or stupid. Friends, among each other, respect is important. Please respect other when talking or doing something. Even though the person you deal with is a bit weak, but you are not right in everything. You are just looked right (LOL). The next characteristics: SARCASTIC. Who doesn't know that. Everyone is fake and got a little sarcastic, the difference is how you express it. Her sarcastic-ness is very obvious until I could say that many people hate her very much.
Sarcastically, I knew that is C planned the birthday celebration for me. I am touched for that, thanks for her for planning it, I know at least I get her to appreciate me as a friend but the most touching moment is the classmates celebrating and the lecturer involved cooperated for it. Thanks a lot!
Around March, if I am not mistaken, the damn incident happened just after my birthday. Because of a misunderstanding, can make a guy so "small gas". Cut it short, the guy kept "bombard" her (C) with nonsense questions, thinking that he is very macho and putting revenge in behalf of others. He "bombarded" my group in presentation. However, main focus in on her. Our group, if not because of him, can end well, and won't interrupt other groups for presentation. Because of him, our presentation taken 1 hour. =.= (That's the reason why she is being hated so much, because gone too far in treating people; I also saw how CHILDISH can a person be) --> I wish to forget about this ridiculous incident.
Around that time too, my uncle, Chin Hoong asked me to join bible study. I joined it. Until now, and I still will join it. That time, I don't know how great of God is. I joined it, because I think I can learn some life lesson. That time I met a lot of new friends.
End of May, followed Max and Crystal to Penang. Their big family, I mean PCDC (Penang Christian Disciples Church). Got to mix with them better. I enjoyed being with them. I feel warmth. Got to know more friends. Is a nice feeling, even they don't know me much, but still care for you, concern about you, is this part of the love from God? I remembered one of them said that I looked punk when she met me for the first time. She played bass guitar that time. Many people said that I am cool that time, until don't dare to talk to me (another one told me after got to mix well with me). SERIOUSLY, had a lot of fun with them even I don't know them very much.
Joined the outing to CCC. And also the hiking to and camping at Pantai Kerachut in August. Someone is very kind to sponsor the payment of the 2 days 1 night trip which I don't know the reason for the person to do so. I am very grateful for that, until now I still don't know who is that, however, a great appreciation from me. Thanks to THAT PERSON again. From that, I experienced the first time sleeping in tent, playing quite crazily with friends and get to know and mix better with friends. I got to talk with someone I think that I can trust to of my confusion of feeling to someone, whom is S in my posts for the past half a year. She found me a counselor. I also told these to Max and Crystal, they told me to pray to God. Since that time, I started to pray. They got keep track on what and how I felt.
Around June, I decided to consult an endocrinologist regarding the pain that persists for long and also the swelling that never cease. The doctor checked the blood test and diagnosed that I was overdose with medicine, Euthyrox. That's why my metabolic rate SHOOTS UP and my other symptoms leads me to hyperthyroidism. Doctor also prescribed me prednisolone, at first, I haven't realize that is for reduce inflammation of thyroid glands. (I think that time I was too excited to know that everything can be ok, so didn't ask doctor why prednisolone is for...LOL. The next 3 months, is PAIN again. I dragged one month only got to meet the doctor again because I don't exactly know what happened and I don't have the time yet to meet the doctor, as I need to travel to outstation to meet the doctor. My blood test showed that the thyroid hormones are in normal level. Then doctor suspected is my genetic composition caused me to have inflammation in thyroid glands. For your information, inflammation in thyroid glands has no cause, it just inflamed like that. Doctor also told me that I can't overstress myself, if not, the pain would be coming back even more often. Oh my gosh, which means pain in every few months? FYP is driving me crazy and even more tension, pain was coming back after 3 weeks...== Alternative medicine other than steroid is found. Inflammation and pain subsided after medication for 3 days. The pain had made me has better self-control in dealing with temper, irritation, emotion changes. Thanks for the pain. Thank God for the consequences and lessons. In fact, the thyroiditis and hyperthyroidism had made me to more patience, tolerance, because thyroid disorder is life-long disease. I have no choice but have to accept that I need to take medicine for life-long.
Shocked that my FYP supervisor (boss) changed my FYP title in October. Everything feels like starting all over again. However, get to learn more things, which is the exciting part. I already expected that period for my FYP benchwork will be extended. I can only see my coursemates leaving one by one from the lab. However, for me, is just fine, because I get peace of mind. At the same time, I need to be patient, be smarter, be more initiative in doing my lab work. FYP taught me of time management and lotsa things dealing with communication. I found back myself in doing lab work. I am so not myself if I am not doing anything or too free. I enjoyed lab work. To deal with my boss, I need to be super careful because of his attitude and his routine.
The most important thing that I want to emphasize here is I get to know God, even though I haven't get to "meet" Him yet. Thanks to my new friends. Thanks for the love given.
appreciation
Thanks to my friend who introduced the medicine to me. Thanks to the effect of Beazyme (papain) and Danzen (serratio peptidase). With 3 times per day for 3 days, each time these 2 tablets, the synergistic effect fought the inflammation and thus the pain. The inflammation is off as the pain went off. Pain is as a result of inflammation, if you know the mechanism of inflammation, thanks to Immunology lecturer, Mr. Yuen for knowledge in Immunology. Doctor told me the condition too, if the same kind of pain and the same symptoms comes back, it means inflammation of thyroid glands happens again.
This time, I didn't drag long, However, one week is used to search for alternative other than steroid. Thanks for letting me found it, if not, I might be suffering effect from steroid.
As you can see, I mean to my friends who close to me, I can doubt that they feel and sense the emotional changes in me, even though I tried myself to overcome and hide it. Whenever I am in pain, my temper, emotion, etc changes to quite bad and quite drastic. Of course, until now, they can only feel it, because of the aura, not because I hurt them. The feeling that I always encounter whenever I am in pain is irritation. A little things that don't fit or don't meet my requirement in doing things or whatsoever, the irritation is very obvious on my face and tone of talking. To overcome from being feeling pain, I sleep a lot and keep myself very busy. Pain made me thinks a lot too. It made me think of how to reduce stress, how to manage time well (as I sleep a lot as a result of one of the symptoms), how to manage my feelings, how to control myself well even when I am not ok in physical condition, etc.
Thanks again to the pain and the medicine. Hope it won't happen so soon again.
This time, I didn't drag long, However, one week is used to search for alternative other than steroid. Thanks for letting me found it, if not, I might be suffering effect from steroid.
As you can see, I mean to my friends who close to me, I can doubt that they feel and sense the emotional changes in me, even though I tried myself to overcome and hide it. Whenever I am in pain, my temper, emotion, etc changes to quite bad and quite drastic. Of course, until now, they can only feel it, because of the aura, not because I hurt them. The feeling that I always encounter whenever I am in pain is irritation. A little things that don't fit or don't meet my requirement in doing things or whatsoever, the irritation is very obvious on my face and tone of talking. To overcome from being feeling pain, I sleep a lot and keep myself very busy. Pain made me thinks a lot too. It made me think of how to reduce stress, how to manage time well (as I sleep a lot as a result of one of the symptoms), how to manage my feelings, how to control myself well even when I am not ok in physical condition, etc.
Thanks again to the pain and the medicine. Hope it won't happen so soon again.
Monday, December 27, 2010
recovery
After the onset of pain, I knew the thyroid glands inflamed again. Ok, that time was finding the alternative medicine other than prednisolone (steroid). Then able to consult from the friend who is a pharmacist. So, I am taking Beazyme (papain) and Danzen (serratio peptidase), they are anti-inflammatory enzymes. As so called enzyme, I will get no side effects from those medicine, checked from internet. Thank you. Taken for 2 days, so far so good. Waiting the effect after taking the medicines for 3 days. Thanks for my friends who walked with me in Gurney Plaza to search for pharmacy. Thanks to God for let me found the pharmacy and got the medicine. Thanks for no drag, if not, the pain and condition will surely worsen. Plus the effect of paracetamol, the pain killer can help relieve the sense of pain for temporarily.
When experienced the feeling of pain, I don't want to trouble people by telling them, so I bear on my own. However, my face expression changed drastically. The pain caused me feel irritated, with no anger, as I prayed to God that I don't wanna in anger. (By the way, is irritation=anger?) I bear the pain until I hold my fists very tightly, almost go and use my fists to bang the glass stuffs. Thank God for shows Himself in time, if not, I really scared I can't control myself. After I prayed, I sms-ed my friend, Chin Ling to pray for me too. Thank you, Chin Ling. She asked me to ask my friends to pray for me too, but I didn't do so, because I think I have burden them much, and I don't want to be such a wet blanket. I considered that dinner as a gathering on Christmas, so I don't want to spoil the atmosphere.
After reached room, I rested a while, by that time, the irritation is gone. Thank God for listened to my prayer. Pain still there, so I rested a while before take the medicine (medicine cannot be eaten straight after dinner, medicine should be eaten 1-2 hours after dinner). On Sunday night, I feel much more better. Thanks to God and the medicine.
Just another one day, lets see the effect of both the synergistic anti-inflammatory enzymes. I feel ok now...^^
When experienced the feeling of pain, I don't want to trouble people by telling them, so I bear on my own. However, my face expression changed drastically. The pain caused me feel irritated, with no anger, as I prayed to God that I don't wanna in anger. (By the way, is irritation=anger?) I bear the pain until I hold my fists very tightly, almost go and use my fists to bang the glass stuffs. Thank God for shows Himself in time, if not, I really scared I can't control myself. After I prayed, I sms-ed my friend, Chin Ling to pray for me too. Thank you, Chin Ling. She asked me to ask my friends to pray for me too, but I didn't do so, because I think I have burden them much, and I don't want to be such a wet blanket. I considered that dinner as a gathering on Christmas, so I don't want to spoil the atmosphere.
After reached room, I rested a while, by that time, the irritation is gone. Thank God for listened to my prayer. Pain still there, so I rested a while before take the medicine (medicine cannot be eaten straight after dinner, medicine should be eaten 1-2 hours after dinner). On Sunday night, I feel much more better. Thanks to God and the medicine.
Just another one day, lets see the effect of both the synergistic anti-inflammatory enzymes. I feel ok now...^^
Thursday, December 16, 2010
SO soon
According to the frequency of the recurrence, it should be coming back (of course I hope it won't happen again, however, too bad that my body had this tendency to get it) around February or March. BUT, I felt the pain, very slight pain, on and off recently, and this recurred, after 3 weeks of recovery-> is way TOO SOON. This very slight pain (I didn't sprained any muscles or injured recently, and I am very sure about how is the pain feels like), that on and off frequency, is driving me crazy again. Well, I thought I can ignore that at first, then sometimes when I sit down to analyze myself, I feel like I get angry, fussy, impatient quite easily recently, not because of the menstruation (menstruation would cause the same symptoms too)
Pray, is the method I can use now. Hope God can give me the strength to not to be controlled by emotional imbalance that might hurt people around me.
Medicine to cure? Ya, still searching, I won't use steroid first, but I need to prevent the inflammation from getting even serious, pain killer of course has no effect, it only relieve the pain, but it won't relieve the root cause, which is the INFLAMMATION in thyroid glands: Thyroiditis. So, hope to consult a friend who is a pharmacist, whether is there any solution (medicine) to take other than steroid. Hopefully the pain won't "spread" so fast before I get the solution, otherwise, steroid is my option as it relieve and stop the inflammation in a very FAST mode.
Doctor told me before this, I can't overstress myself, if not, the frequency of recurrence will get even faster. Well, the stress, is PRESENT, because of the progress of my FYP. My fingers injured (because of my so called bad habit), I de-caffeine for longer than one month, but still, stress does cause a lot of health consequences. I can feel that stress is the ROOT CAUSE of thyroiditis...
Just couldn't believe that it really comes SO SOON...=(
Pray, is the method I can use now. Hope God can give me the strength to not to be controlled by emotional imbalance that might hurt people around me.
Medicine to cure? Ya, still searching, I won't use steroid first, but I need to prevent the inflammation from getting even serious, pain killer of course has no effect, it only relieve the pain, but it won't relieve the root cause, which is the INFLAMMATION in thyroid glands: Thyroiditis. So, hope to consult a friend who is a pharmacist, whether is there any solution (medicine) to take other than steroid. Hopefully the pain won't "spread" so fast before I get the solution, otherwise, steroid is my option as it relieve and stop the inflammation in a very FAST mode.
Doctor told me before this, I can't overstress myself, if not, the frequency of recurrence will get even faster. Well, the stress, is PRESENT, because of the progress of my FYP. My fingers injured (because of my so called bad habit), I de-caffeine for longer than one month, but still, stress does cause a lot of health consequences. I can feel that stress is the ROOT CAUSE of thyroiditis...
Just couldn't believe that it really comes SO SOON...=(
Sunday, December 12, 2010
bad habit...?
Well, bad habit...this post is talking about my bad habit, in terms of facing something, I have a bad habit when dealing with stress and pressure.
I think my friends realized my fingers always injured or arm got scratched. (I don't have čŠčį...) Then I realized that when I am under stress or pressure, I will keep "kopek" the skin of my fingers (my skin easy to fall off especially on fingers) until I feel the pain or I saw blood flow out only I will stop. Ok, of course I do those in unconscious condition, which means I won't actually realize I am "kopek-ing" the dead skin. Pain? I don't feel the pain, as I am USED TO THAT. I will only feel the pain when "kopek" until the 'alive skin'. To avoid infection, the next day, my friends will see my finger(s) with plaster.
The scratches, usually during sleep, the next day, when bath, I feel the pain, only I saw the scratches...everytime sure more than 10 stripes...=.= What happened to me during sleep time?! Sleep also in stress and pressure mode? (I think sure I "kopek" the fingers nails too the worst thing is I forgot to make them in nice shape and blunt-so that won't cause those wound, that caused those stripes...==|||) Damn, almost every stripes quite deep... --> luckily I brought a medicine that is very effective in healing this kind of injury, it helps "cools" my wound, aka accelerate healing of wound. I am using Enhancer, which is the name of the product by USANA (promoting health science products?! XD).
Haiz...bad habit. I am "kopek-ing" the dead skin again now...=.= Guess next semester this condition would be even more serious...
I think my friends realized my fingers always injured or arm got scratched. (I don't have čŠčį...) Then I realized that when I am under stress or pressure, I will keep "kopek" the skin of my fingers (my skin easy to fall off especially on fingers) until I feel the pain or I saw blood flow out only I will stop. Ok, of course I do those in unconscious condition, which means I won't actually realize I am "kopek-ing" the dead skin. Pain? I don't feel the pain, as I am USED TO THAT. I will only feel the pain when "kopek" until the 'alive skin'. To avoid infection, the next day, my friends will see my finger(s) with plaster.
The scratches, usually during sleep, the next day, when bath, I feel the pain, only I saw the scratches...everytime sure more than 10 stripes...=.= What happened to me during sleep time?! Sleep also in stress and pressure mode? (I think sure I "kopek" the fingers nails too the worst thing is I forgot to make them in nice shape and blunt-so that won't cause those wound, that caused those stripes...==|||) Damn, almost every stripes quite deep... --> luckily I brought a medicine that is very effective in healing this kind of injury, it helps "cools" my wound, aka accelerate healing of wound. I am using Enhancer, which is the name of the product by USANA (promoting health science products?! XD).
Haiz...bad habit. I am "kopek-ing" the dead skin again now...=.= Guess next semester this condition would be even more serious...
Saturday, December 11, 2010
the solution from Him?
I admitted before this, I don't believe in the presence of God. For me, it is just a condition or a person or whatever it is that created by the mind of human to place their spirit dependence on it...WHATEVER.
Then got one incident happened, and so happened to be many friends (that I knew in Penang), they asked me try to pray. I still don't believe then I ignored. And so happened to be the pain that suppose to go off didn't relieved yet, then I try to pray. Also the issue of S, the emotional dependence on S, I prayed to Him. Maybe He did show Himself through the consequences after I prayed. The pain does relieved, and many other coincidences. Then I think, in this world, there shouldn't be that much of coincidences, could this be the solutions given by Him? For whatever it is, try to believe in Him. At least, got somewhere or somebody else for me to put my emotional dependence on.
Issue about S, even though the feeling I said was faded, I know is just temporarily, it will rise another one if the root is not solved yet. I prayed to Him. Somehow, I don't really feel much of that after I prayed. Then my friend (not the one around me here) who knew this (they knew the progress) said that maybe He is trying to "take away" the feeling of emotional dependence from me. Well...MAYBE. Maybe this is the solution? Because I DON'T THINK facing S to talk about this is a good solution. I need to know the root too. So, slowly, but I am sure I can get rid of this kind of feeling soon.
What's next?
Then got one incident happened, and so happened to be many friends (that I knew in Penang), they asked me try to pray. I still don't believe then I ignored. And so happened to be the pain that suppose to go off didn't relieved yet, then I try to pray. Also the issue of S, the emotional dependence on S, I prayed to Him. Maybe He did show Himself through the consequences after I prayed. The pain does relieved, and many other coincidences. Then I think, in this world, there shouldn't be that much of coincidences, could this be the solutions given by Him? For whatever it is, try to believe in Him. At least, got somewhere or somebody else for me to put my emotional dependence on.
Issue about S, even though the feeling I said was faded, I know is just temporarily, it will rise another one if the root is not solved yet. I prayed to Him. Somehow, I don't really feel much of that after I prayed. Then my friend (not the one around me here) who knew this (they knew the progress) said that maybe He is trying to "take away" the feeling of emotional dependence from me. Well...MAYBE. Maybe this is the solution? Because I DON'T THINK facing S to talk about this is a good solution. I need to know the root too. So, slowly, but I am sure I can get rid of this kind of feeling soon.
What's next?
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