Consulted from the endocrinologist today at Ipoh Specialist Hospital. Ok, blood test turned up to be ok, everything is normal. Then the doctor, Dr. Ong suspected that I got thyroiditis (inflammation of thyroid gland) because hyperthyroidism causes swelling of gland but not the pain. Since it was subsided from the previous treatment, so this swelling and pain most possibly is due to thyroiditis. Then Dr. Ong said that I maybe prone to this as a result of my genetic composition because I already had this last time plus this time, 2 times. So, means I have the potential to get it again in another few months later...OH GOSH!!! And, thyroiditis is not related to hyperthyroidism that I had now...ok, genetic composition... >.<> that's why I am thin!!! (Yeah!)
At least I know that my thyroid hormones are functioning well, and it is important to maintain (craps), but I still need to eat medicine to maintain it...=.=
Now? 6 days of medication with prednisolone (steroid) to reduce inflammation... And please, thyroiditis, please don't mess with me like that... ok, "blame" my own genetic composition...
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
bearing...
Just one more day...one more day, then I would know the answer, know what is happening on me!
The pain is getting serious...is causing me headache too...@@ The pain is like pressing, like last time. In Immunology, this is called inflammation (last time the doctor said so), excess hormone is secreted and caused the blood vessels to swell, more and more plasma accumulate, more and more blood flow to the site, the site is hot and swells and eventually the "injury" site is harden because a lot of plasma, cells, etc accumulate there (if I didn't make mistake in the description of inflammation).
The pain is kinda on and off. But when is on, is deep inside and slowly spread...great! @@ Most of the time I just bear it. (Actually nothing that I can do other than just bear with it). When is off (very seldom in these 2 weeks), of course, I feel nothing (craps!), I grab the time and do as much stuffs as I can. If in pain, really hard to study the journals or sleep. Damn it!
Just one more day...ONE MORE DAY...
The pain is getting serious...is causing me headache too...@@ The pain is like pressing, like last time. In Immunology, this is called inflammation (last time the doctor said so), excess hormone is secreted and caused the blood vessels to swell, more and more plasma accumulate, more and more blood flow to the site, the site is hot and swells and eventually the "injury" site is harden because a lot of plasma, cells, etc accumulate there (if I didn't make mistake in the description of inflammation).
The pain is kinda on and off. But when is on, is deep inside and slowly spread...great! @@ Most of the time I just bear it. (Actually nothing that I can do other than just bear with it). When is off (very seldom in these 2 weeks), of course, I feel nothing (craps!), I grab the time and do as much stuffs as I can. If in pain, really hard to study the journals or sleep. Damn it!
Just one more day...ONE MORE DAY...
Sunday, October 24, 2010
害怕
其实...
我怕, 我真的怕...
担心是一定有，怕，我想我不曾告诉我的朋友吧...连好友我都没告诉...
我知道担心和怕都没用，一连串，接踵而来...难免会有这种想法...
还是把我的害怕收藏起来吧...不能倒...
接着而来的会是对我来说再也普通不了的抽血，可怕的不是这个，是等待报告的时刻。这次期望的是什么? 希望该出现的要出现? 还是什么都不要? (那不是更加难测? 我想我现在知道发生些什么事，如果报告不是这样，那...)
啊!!! 不要想太多...
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
hurt?
Is it true that the closer the particular friend with you, the more he/she will cause hurt to you?!
Just coincidentally bump into this kind of saying. For example a friend is close to you, so means like, by "common sense" or as thought so, you won't take serious or mind about what the friend talked or did to you. Maybe the friend accidentally said something that actually hurts, but the friend thinks that, "aiya, you won't mind that, right?" Actually you are mind about that, but how are you going to say that out? Say it out, might hurt your friend's feelings too.
Somehow, from a friend, I learned that whatever it is, if I feel offended or so, I am asked to say it out. (although most of the time I don't do so, and I will forget it quite fast). I got a friend, in University life, can be considered quite close. When the friend answered in a tone that everybody won't be liking it, I still will say "never mind". Then my friend will say "thanks for understanding and considering". Well, I just don't want anyone feel bad. But is this act right? Even though I MIGHT already being hurt, but I still say is ok. Seriously, I usually feel a bit confused and wondering why my friend behaved so, anger normally comes NEXT if I am very frustrated or feel offended, not FIRST. So, that's why I always say "never mind" for that kind of so called offense.
Or actually I already feel hurt? Hurt until no words can be described. So, anyone can share and tell me about what I said in the very beginning? Is it true?
Just coincidentally bump into this kind of saying. For example a friend is close to you, so means like, by "common sense" or as thought so, you won't take serious or mind about what the friend talked or did to you. Maybe the friend accidentally said something that actually hurts, but the friend thinks that, "aiya, you won't mind that, right?" Actually you are mind about that, but how are you going to say that out? Say it out, might hurt your friend's feelings too.
Somehow, from a friend, I learned that whatever it is, if I feel offended or so, I am asked to say it out. (although most of the time I don't do so, and I will forget it quite fast). I got a friend, in University life, can be considered quite close. When the friend answered in a tone that everybody won't be liking it, I still will say "never mind". Then my friend will say "thanks for understanding and considering". Well, I just don't want anyone feel bad. But is this act right? Even though I MIGHT already being hurt, but I still say is ok. Seriously, I usually feel a bit confused and wondering why my friend behaved so, anger normally comes NEXT if I am very frustrated or feel offended, not FIRST. So, that's why I always say "never mind" for that kind of so called offense.
Or actually I already feel hurt? Hurt until no words can be described. So, anyone can share and tell me about what I said in the very beginning? Is it true?
Monday, October 18, 2010
hard time
Felt something was not really right since yesterday morning. Why I need extra energy to breath smoothly? Only that time I realized that the short of breath symptom was getting serious. So what now? The symptom I scared the most is back.
In the afternoon, thought to lie down, hope can relieve, because i really don't know what I can do to relieve the condition. Who knows, when I try to sleep (hard to get to sleep is another problem, is not that I don't want to sleep, when is the time I suppose to sleep, I am hell energetic there, ended up force myself to sleep; until I really got asleep, I woke up AUTOMATICALLY later when is the time I supposed to wake up), I sweated heavily, even with the fan pointing at me...=.= So? Woke up with a dizzy head...DAMN it!!!
Thankfully, yesterday I was alone. Was very upset and down. At the same time, I thought I was under anger and frustration. Mixed feeling. I called (MSN-ing) a friend, let the friend be ZL. I am grateful that ZL accompanied me to talk to distract the unpleasant feelings, and listened to my problems. I know nobody can help, she said at least got somebody knows that and can offer help when something bad really happens. At 9pm something like that, the condition finally relieved a bit. But not totally. I really can't remember how I went through the whole afternoon. I guessed it had been a hard time for me, because I feel like I gonna cry that time.
This morning, after woke up, the feeling of suffocating continues, luckily is not as bad as yesterday's. Then, headache came after that...=.= Started to get fatigue...even I didn't do any sports, made me nearly roll down from the stairs. My friends said my face looked pale.
Come on, Ke Jun, be strong!!! You have not cry for that is a good start. Fight for that!!!
In the afternoon, thought to lie down, hope can relieve, because i really don't know what I can do to relieve the condition. Who knows, when I try to sleep (hard to get to sleep is another problem, is not that I don't want to sleep, when is the time I suppose to sleep, I am hell energetic there, ended up force myself to sleep; until I really got asleep, I woke up AUTOMATICALLY later when is the time I supposed to wake up), I sweated heavily, even with the fan pointing at me...=.= So? Woke up with a dizzy head...DAMN it!!!
Thankfully, yesterday I was alone. Was very upset and down. At the same time, I thought I was under anger and frustration. Mixed feeling. I called (MSN-ing) a friend, let the friend be ZL. I am grateful that ZL accompanied me to talk to distract the unpleasant feelings, and listened to my problems. I know nobody can help, she said at least got somebody knows that and can offer help when something bad really happens. At 9pm something like that, the condition finally relieved a bit. But not totally. I really can't remember how I went through the whole afternoon. I guessed it had been a hard time for me, because I feel like I gonna cry that time.
This morning, after woke up, the feeling of suffocating continues, luckily is not as bad as yesterday's. Then, headache came after that...=.= Started to get fatigue...even I didn't do any sports, made me nearly roll down from the stairs. My friends said my face looked pale.
Come on, Ke Jun, be strong!!! You have not cry for that is a good start. Fight for that!!!
Friday, October 15, 2010
lyrics- Tonight I feel close to you
Close my eyes and feel your mind
Time has passed
I walk like a shadow
Never knew
What I am going through
You touch my heart and take my breath away
Whisper on the wind so softly
Let the bright stars fill our dreams with love
Reach for your hand (you're holding my key)
and you show me the way
Tonight, I feel close to you
You open my door and light the sky above
When I need a friend, you are there right by my side
I wish we could stay as one
I wish we could stay forever as one
So much love in this beautiful world
Search for the brightest star in the sky
You will find the meaning of love
Don't be afraid (Don't be afraid), Just be youself (Just be yourself)
We need this love... I've never knew
Tonight, I feel close to you
You open my door and light the sky above
When I need a friend, you are there right by my side
I wish we could stay as one
Tonight, I feel close to you
You open my door and light the sky above
When I need a friend, you are there right by my side
I wish we could stay as one
Tonight, I feel close to you
You open my door and light the sky above
When I need a friend, you are there right by my side
I wish we could stay as one
I wish we could stay forever as one
Time has passed
I walk like a shadow
Never knew
What I am going through
You touch my heart and take my breath away
Whisper on the wind so softly
Let the bright stars fill our dreams with love
Reach for your hand (you're holding my key)
and you show me the way
Tonight, I feel close to you
You open my door and light the sky above
When I need a friend, you are there right by my side
I wish we could stay as one
I wish we could stay forever as one
So much love in this beautiful world
Search for the brightest star in the sky
You will find the meaning of love
Don't be afraid (Don't be afraid), Just be youself (Just be yourself)
We need this love... I've never knew
Tonight, I feel close to you
You open my door and light the sky above
When I need a friend, you are there right by my side
I wish we could stay as one
Tonight, I feel close to you
You open my door and light the sky above
When I need a friend, you are there right by my side
I wish we could stay as one
Tonight, I feel close to you
You open my door and light the sky above
When I need a friend, you are there right by my side
I wish we could stay as one
I wish we could stay forever as one
Thursday, October 14, 2010
^^
见到你，真开心...
就不知怎的，那时候写简讯，就自然而然地想发给你...
当你说可以时，我快乐坏了...
见到你时，心里有说不出的喜悦，
我似乎很久没这么高兴 (高兴和兴奋是两码事，在这里，我说的是高兴）
就是想念那背影,
看着你的背影,
嘴角微微上扬,
我真的打从心里笑了...
就不知怎的，那时候写简讯，就自然而然地想发给你...
当你说可以时，我快乐坏了...
见到你时，心里有说不出的喜悦，
我似乎很久没这么高兴 (高兴和兴奋是两码事，在这里，我说的是高兴）
就是想念那背影,
看着你的背影,
嘴角微微上扬,
我真的打从心里笑了...
signal
那坚强，无所谓的样子要继续装出来吗? 我知道我的情况如果比起其他例如癌症的，是芝麻小事(神经病，你想要这么严重?)，但这么多年来的精神煎熬，整个人都好像麻木了. 如果没错，我这一辈子是要吃那荷尔蒙剂来维持荷尔蒙的水平. 虽然是那么小颗药丸，可是这一吃，就吃了八年; 说长不长，说短亦不短...
Since last week, the metabolic rate started to spiking up again!!! Under this hot weather, the condition somehow looks like getting serious, my body hot until I feel like I am having fever almost all the time, the palm is very hot, so to whole body, imagine the cold water I take bath with, I don't feel the water is cool anymore. Although I know drink icy water to cool down is not a very healthy way, but the heat in my body forced me to do so. If not, it will just reveal my bad temper...=.= Somehow, the disease I got taught me to be in nice temper and be patient. Before this, I still will have heavy meal for lunch, but not in nowadays... I really scared the heat will drive me crazy...especially working in the lab. Maybe my condition stated here is almost the same as everyone out there, as the weather now is so damn HOT!!! But...
I know my own body well. The endocrine system starts to mess up with me. The slight pain at my neck and uncomfortable condition I faced recently, are they trying to give me some sorta danger signal? I am actually still hoping the condition won't get worse. I know caffeine will further boost up metabolic rate, I already started de-caffeination since this week, however, the metabolic rate still very high... The most important is the pain and the still high metabolic rate and followed by fatigue not long after that are the signals? And if not very accurate menstruation period is counted as a symptom, ya, it also as a possible indication. As far as I know, doctor always ask is my menstruation period accurate. Could I just ignore those symptoms? I don't wish to visit doctor on my own again...Although I don't mind alone, just feel I am not strong enough to always face those on and off condition. I thought it can be cured and recover as soon as possible. Why? I remembered that I was very happy when the condition was getting better 2 weeks after the consultation and medication. Now 3 months gone, on the 3rd month, it starts to "haunt" me again. These symptoms, I am still observing the severity, I don't even think of telling my good friends too although they "warned" me to tell them if I feel anything wrong. I think I just take it on my own. I went for the routine checkup last week, the blood test result showed my hormone level for thyroid is within normal range, but I remembered what the specialist said, then I recalled the result that I got, is still in lower range of normal level. Is quite near to lower part. So, what now?
Another danger signal: short of breath... NOW...@@ I really need to take a rest...
I MUST be strong!!! No matter how...think positively...
Since last week, the metabolic rate started to spiking up again!!! Under this hot weather, the condition somehow looks like getting serious, my body hot until I feel like I am having fever almost all the time, the palm is very hot, so to whole body, imagine the cold water I take bath with, I don't feel the water is cool anymore. Although I know drink icy water to cool down is not a very healthy way, but the heat in my body forced me to do so. If not, it will just reveal my bad temper...=.= Somehow, the disease I got taught me to be in nice temper and be patient. Before this, I still will have heavy meal for lunch, but not in nowadays... I really scared the heat will drive me crazy...especially working in the lab. Maybe my condition stated here is almost the same as everyone out there, as the weather now is so damn HOT!!! But...
I know my own body well. The endocrine system starts to mess up with me. The slight pain at my neck and uncomfortable condition I faced recently, are they trying to give me some sorta danger signal? I am actually still hoping the condition won't get worse. I know caffeine will further boost up metabolic rate, I already started de-caffeination since this week, however, the metabolic rate still very high... The most important is the pain and the still high metabolic rate and followed by fatigue not long after that are the signals? And if not very accurate menstruation period is counted as a symptom, ya, it also as a possible indication. As far as I know, doctor always ask is my menstruation period accurate. Could I just ignore those symptoms? I don't wish to visit doctor on my own again...Although I don't mind alone, just feel I am not strong enough to always face those on and off condition. I thought it can be cured and recover as soon as possible. Why? I remembered that I was very happy when the condition was getting better 2 weeks after the consultation and medication. Now 3 months gone, on the 3rd month, it starts to "haunt" me again. These symptoms, I am still observing the severity, I don't even think of telling my good friends too although they "warned" me to tell them if I feel anything wrong. I think I just take it on my own. I went for the routine checkup last week, the blood test result showed my hormone level for thyroid is within normal range, but I remembered what the specialist said, then I recalled the result that I got, is still in lower range of normal level. Is quite near to lower part. So, what now?
Another danger signal: short of breath... NOW...@@ I really need to take a rest...
I MUST be strong!!! No matter how...think positively...
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
what is this?!
There is one classmate, for one semester I don't talk to her, because of one character of her is very obvious and I felt annoyed of it. Suddenly, she added me in Facebook and commented on the status that is so damn common and that Facebook status, that time, my best friend commented on it, she was like just came in and said "jia u jia u". Well, for her as a Facebook user, I appreciated that, but not from people like that. I am not "complaining", but just, is hard to accept that. I am sure she actually knows that I felt annoyed of her. She is kinda benefit-minded person. Is too obvious...=.=
And one thing, which I feel very awkward of it. She even smiled at me when we meet. I replied the smile, and I HATE the smile that I gave. I think I better keep my cool face. Seriously, the situation is like forcing me to smile. Actually I don't wish to smile at all. For one semester I don't either talk or smile to her, I "don't know" what to respond for this.
Shall I give her a chance and to myself to "accept" her as a friend? I discussed this with another friend who is also coursemate. My friend said since is going to be last semester for Degree, so just bear with it, try to accept. I have been thinking of my friend's pieces of words. Is it because she knows that I am a person who value friendship, so she takes this to "tackle"? Come on, maybe she doesn't know that, I won't entertain any kind of people that easily. And I am not a fake person. I can be a person that can talk to easily and nicely but depends who is the person. Somehow, after certain incident, I couldn't put more trust to any people, if I am willing to put more trust, means the person is really trustworthy (this is more comprehensive if I put this sentence in this way). This kind of person actually made me lost trust to people. I won't want to get myself hurt again by this kind of people.
So? Accept or ignore the nice act and manners from her?
And one thing, which I feel very awkward of it. She even smiled at me when we meet. I replied the smile, and I HATE the smile that I gave. I think I better keep my cool face. Seriously, the situation is like forcing me to smile. Actually I don't wish to smile at all. For one semester I don't either talk or smile to her, I "don't know" what to respond for this.
Shall I give her a chance and to myself to "accept" her as a friend? I discussed this with another friend who is also coursemate. My friend said since is going to be last semester for Degree, so just bear with it, try to accept. I have been thinking of my friend's pieces of words. Is it because she knows that I am a person who value friendship, so she takes this to "tackle"? Come on, maybe she doesn't know that, I won't entertain any kind of people that easily. And I am not a fake person. I can be a person that can talk to easily and nicely but depends who is the person. Somehow, after certain incident, I couldn't put more trust to any people, if I am willing to put more trust, means the person is really trustworthy (this is more comprehensive if I put this sentence in this way). This kind of person actually made me lost trust to people. I won't want to get myself hurt again by this kind of people.
So? Accept or ignore the nice act and manners from her?
Sunday, October 10, 2010
忘却
能看见你笑，
能想象你笑的样子，
无论是什么样的笑容，
被我逗笑，
惊喜的笑，
打招呼的笑容，
都能让我把当时的烦恼都给抛到远远的，
没错，
你就是有这样的魅力!
所以，
我正在想象你的笑容...
一切的一切，
这是好感吗?
能想象你笑的样子，
无论是什么样的笑容，
被我逗笑，
惊喜的笑，
打招呼的笑容，
都能让我把当时的烦恼都给抛到远远的，
没错，
你就是有这样的魅力!
所以，
我正在想象你的笑容...
一切的一切，
这是好感吗?
Thursday, October 7, 2010
glad
好开心哦...今天你说你在大学的生活里，我算是你的好朋友，信得过的朋友. 你知道我听了后多开心吗? 我开心因为我是一个称职的朋友. 今天，我其实已累坏了，可是听到你这么说，再累都无所谓了. 也不太清楚今天为何我今天特别火爆. 也许是因为我有急事要办，可是就是因为早上去复诊的医院的医生及护士超没效率的服务态度，拖慢了我该完成的事，及浪费我至少两个小时的时间，超可恶的!!!
Have no idea from when onwards we had such a chat. Just wanna let you to know that, I am very happy for this...^^ 或者可以这么说，我其实希望能从你口中听到这句话.
Have no idea from when onwards we had such a chat. Just wanna let you to know that, I am very happy for this...^^ 或者可以这么说，我其实希望能从你口中听到这句话.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
on and off
Since last week, if not mistaken, noticed that the swollen on my neck (that supposed to be shrunken) is back to swelling and harden. Actually I was kinda worry that. Is the dosage prescribed by doctor is not suitable to me? I followed the instructions for medication. Why? What happened? Well, it doesn't cause pain, however, just feel uncomfortable, it shrinks for a certain period then back again. Became fatter (as a possible indication), not at all, after I went back hometown, then weighed myself on the weighing scale, the scale showed 44.5kg.
You all can't imagine how much I ate during the study week until exam ended. So, where is the food go to? The symptoms of hyperthyroid is quite obvious which is accumulation of fat on stomach but not at other parts (which is very common and is VERY HARD to avoid it), it only very obvious on stomach, which for a girl, will be very particular about. Just 5 days holiday, even I continue with my habit after meal, STILL...=.= Really damn annoying. The low waist jeans now no need belt, not that loose as before this. So, this means?! Getting serious or what? Should I consult the specialist again about the problem?
I was hoping the condition won't get worse. I am still hoping. AND I did take care of myself...
You all can't imagine how much I ate during the study week until exam ended. So, where is the food go to? The symptoms of hyperthyroid is quite obvious which is accumulation of fat on stomach but not at other parts (which is very common and is VERY HARD to avoid it), it only very obvious on stomach, which for a girl, will be very particular about. Just 5 days holiday, even I continue with my habit after meal, STILL...=.= Really damn annoying. The low waist jeans now no need belt, not that loose as before this. So, this means?! Getting serious or what? Should I consult the specialist again about the problem?
I was hoping the condition won't get worse. I am still hoping. AND I did take care of myself...
another one
你知道吗，能见到你是很开心的，见到你，说真的，我真的很兴奋，而不是普通的开心. 我喜欢与你说话，见到你；原因...大概是因为我们志同道合吧. 也许我们有太多共同点. 不太知道你对我的印象是什么，我想告诉你的是我真的很开心能见到你. 能看到你笑，更是能让我把烦恼也忘了，好想念你的笑容，你被我逗笑的样子...
本人太多”故事“来写...嗯，可能可以从中找到情趣及乐趣. 认为了解我的人就会知道这些故事的真实性，不过先告诉大家，我是有语文基础的，所以要考虑及衡量那个因素...
本人太多”故事“来写...嗯，可能可以从中找到情趣及乐趣. 认为了解我的人就会知道这些故事的真实性，不过先告诉大家，我是有语文基础的，所以要考虑及衡量那个因素...
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
random
我在你心目中，有过地位吗? 你说啊...
我是那么地重视你，以你为中心，处处为你着想，怕你受伤，你有珍惜吗? 我的心是很痛，当我知道你其实当着不一回事，不以为意. 努力忍着不流泪，不伤心，努力试着不在意你所作的，甚至觉得我是一厢情愿. 其实我想要的不是这样，我只是想你知道我是喜欢你的，想要引你注意...当你就这么敷衍我时，我的心犹如刀割，你了解那种痛吗?
很努力地尝试不想你，可是却非常想见到你. 这就是矛盾. 对你说，你可以对我说你的烦恼，也许那个人对你来说比较重要，或许我根本什么都不是，你只是把我当作生活中可以利用的人. 我有时候是真的有点妒忌那个人.
本人看剧场看得有点过分，或者太闲没事做，这故事如有雷同，纯属巧合.
我是那么地重视你，以你为中心，处处为你着想，怕你受伤，你有珍惜吗? 我的心是很痛，当我知道你其实当着不一回事，不以为意. 努力忍着不流泪，不伤心，努力试着不在意你所作的，甚至觉得我是一厢情愿. 其实我想要的不是这样，我只是想你知道我是喜欢你的，想要引你注意...当你就这么敷衍我时，我的心犹如刀割，你了解那种痛吗?
很努力地尝试不想你，可是却非常想见到你. 这就是矛盾. 对你说，你可以对我说你的烦恼，也许那个人对你来说比较重要，或许我根本什么都不是，你只是把我当作生活中可以利用的人. 我有时候是真的有点妒忌那个人.
本人看剧场看得有点过分，或者太闲没事做，这故事如有雷同，纯属巧合.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
the purpose
There are some people asked me about the reason of having that AMOUNT of blogs. So this is the reason: MSN spaces (spaces.live) is kinda publicize, many people can just step in to read. However, blogspot, you can't search without knowing the name of the blog unless I tell the people who is interested to. What I meant here is, is not easy to track a person's blog unless you know the person.
Blogs in spaces.live has migrated to wordpress.com because of certain reasons. There, because of the publicity, I normally won't put post my feelings and those silly or whatsoever thoughts there or anything I said that might hurt a person's feeling. The last reason is because normally I won't lost my temper (is childish anyway), or voice out my thoughts or my unsatisfactory out to the people I am angry to or whatever. I just bear with it. I don't know why I behaved so. I know I need to voice out if I have been unsatisfied to someone in a polite way. Too bad is I am a person who is kinda straightforward in a certain way. The worst thing in socializing is dealing with person that you don't like to and yet you need to control your mind for not lost control. I do know that in certain times I need to be indirect and euphemistic and I know when I shall do so... Normally what I do is ignore...and if I can't bear with that, I just throw out what I felt in blog, that's it. I am smart enough to use initials to represent the characters involved and readers could have understand what I have written, I presumed. Is this kinda silent way of releasing anger?!
In spaces.live, which is now wordpress.com, I usually make my report there, any happy things, things that are happened in an unusual way and so happened that everytime when I wrote there, it will like a flow chart and some sorta annual report...== I have such feeling, I might cause my readers bored. Ah, whatever...
Blog is meant for self-entertainment, no need to care how people think, and somehow, I have that amount of blogs... I do sort out the genre of the posts...
Blogs in spaces.live has migrated to wordpress.com because of certain reasons. There, because of the publicity, I normally won't put post my feelings and those silly or whatsoever thoughts there or anything I said that might hurt a person's feeling. The last reason is because normally I won't lost my temper (is childish anyway), or voice out my thoughts or my unsatisfactory out to the people I am angry to or whatever. I just bear with it. I don't know why I behaved so. I know I need to voice out if I have been unsatisfied to someone in a polite way. Too bad is I am a person who is kinda straightforward in a certain way. The worst thing in socializing is dealing with person that you don't like to and yet you need to control your mind for not lost control. I do know that in certain times I need to be indirect and euphemistic and I know when I shall do so... Normally what I do is ignore...and if I can't bear with that, I just throw out what I felt in blog, that's it. I am smart enough to use initials to represent the characters involved and readers could have understand what I have written, I presumed. Is this kinda silent way of releasing anger?!
In spaces.live, which is now wordpress.com, I usually make my report there, any happy things, things that are happened in an unusual way and so happened that everytime when I wrote there, it will like a flow chart and some sorta annual report...== I have such feeling, I might cause my readers bored. Ah, whatever...
Blog is meant for self-entertainment, no need to care how people think, and somehow, I have that amount of blogs... I do sort out the genre of the posts...
it's over for this
Ok, wanna announce and confess something here. I have PUT DOWN and LET IT GO!!! I have let go the feeling of dependence towards S. Is kinda relief, you know? When I realized I was some sorta depend spiritually on S, where S doesn't know that, until now I presume S doesn't know that. Again, is just a small glimpse (ok, this is quite a direct translation of 一线之差) from the feeling which I scared the most. I scared to put in feelings to people, the feeling mentioned here is like in terms of towards any gender. You get what I meant? That kind of like. That kind of feeling is the one I scared the most...I scared I misunderstand, I scared I will disappointed, I scared I will get hurt. and the most important, I am not interested, I maybe have that kind of feeling (I said MAYBE) but I am not interested in dealing with relationship. (In the end, I don't think you all understand what I am talking here, I think is kinda ironic...and contradictory...><) I won't want any feeling anymore until the end of my studies for Degree. Maybe I am pathetic...(==''') until I put in feelings to people that appeared to be my savior that time? Or I am a person who is 多情? (==''')
In dealing with this unsure feeling, I have been escaping and avoiding, however the more I was trying to escape, I have been even suffering and at last, after talked to someone who I think I can trust, I tried my best to face S. And yet, I still remember that I put my effort and my thinking into my stuffs, I made myself occupied enough to not to think too much. And somehow, I made it! The feeling is just faded...ya, is just faded, without I even realized.
Sometimes I have been thinking that, am I kinda person who is simple thinking or complicated? What I meant is, am I looked unpredictable?
So, I don't know whether there will be more "interesting" stories to tell...just check it out... This blog is meant for sentimental stuffs which means there will be other stuffs regarding feelings or thoughts that I won't put in very public place.
In dealing with this unsure feeling, I have been escaping and avoiding, however the more I was trying to escape, I have been even suffering and at last, after talked to someone who I think I can trust, I tried my best to face S. And yet, I still remember that I put my effort and my thinking into my stuffs, I made myself occupied enough to not to think too much. And somehow, I made it! The feeling is just faded...ya, is just faded, without I even realized.
Sometimes I have been thinking that, am I kinda person who is simple thinking or complicated? What I meant is, am I looked unpredictable?
So, I don't know whether there will be more "interesting" stories to tell...just check it out... This blog is meant for sentimental stuffs which means there will be other stuffs regarding feelings or thoughts that I won't put in very public place.
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