Uninstall

Today, I posted a new "status" on Status Updates segment. Then not long after that, my friend, who actually we got back our friendship just few days ago, asked me about that; seriously, I was so surprised that time. She asked why was I so angry, as "sounded" on my status. I replied by saying that I am actually not angry, but just feel great disappointed.

Disappointed on?! I feel disappointed because I can't hold the friendship with you, I am not good enough to bear with you, to bear with your faithless personality, if I didn't get this term wrong, I am not good enough to be sincere to you long enough while I am actually getting hurt from how you treat me. I had told myself, IGNORE you. Ya, ignoring you. Ya, I won't get myself to care about you anymore. I will let go, but I won't forget how you treat me. From how you treat me, I am so understand this saying: 不是别人不在乎你，是你把对方看得太重. I am care of my friends, so I am "regret" for 把你看得太重? Ya, maybe. However, I know that I have done my responsibility as a friend. Many people knew that I was hurt as a result from what you have done. Well, there is another explanation that I can tell them, mentioned above.

(Seems like run off from title) Ya, for those bad memories from last year, wish I can uninstall them. I posted a post on Facebook, saying that: Uninstall. Then my friend replied that: ya, is the time for new "system". Lolz, yup, is time for new system, new life and better memories, make those bad memories as lesson.

In the progress of uninstalling. Wishing myself luck.

Since I uninstalled the feelings towards S from my mind, I felt in peace now. I won't want myself to deal with those matters again, NOT ever again...

random

Just now, chatted with a friend, who is a senior studying Master of Science.

She suddenly asked me a lot of things and some sort of expressing herself? Ya...I am grateful and appreciate her trust on me to know about that although both of us know for not long. She asked and talked about her confusion of feelings of liking a guy. She said that the guy she mentioned likes her, because the guy confessed, but she doesn't sure about her feelings towards the guy.

Seriously, I think I was in this dilemma before. The feelings towards S. Well now, I knew that I let go that confusion, the truth, the feelings. I feel peace now. I can understand her dilemma, she even told me that she doesn't want to involve in love. Actually I am also scared about that and no confidence on that. So, I told to myself that, I don't want to involve in relationship matter.

If you ask me whether I have fantasy or imagination on having a relationship, my answer is NO. Seriously I don't ever think about that before. I don't think I will get myself to try that, because the confusion made me so suffering, I don't want to get myself that hurt again...

final semester

Tomorrow will be my first day of my new semester and also my FINAL semester.

Guess what, I didn't complain that my semester break is so damn short (in fact, my semester break is VERY long, used that to do my benchwork of FYP). In fact, I some sorta miss all my friends, but not my classmates (I have no idea why). I feel excited for my final semester, like a small little child waiting forward to back to school. I go to campus almost everyday for my benchwork, however, because of not attending any lecture during that period, feel like miss something. LOL. Ya, I miss schooling, I miss lectures, I miss the lecture notes, the reports, the assignments, etc. (Most of my friends would be saying that I am crazy...LOL)

I feel excited now...Hehehehehehe...Hahahahahaha!!!

I need peace

Well, the anxiety, the irritability, the headache, the seems swollen on the neck, the suspicious condition of gaining weight, the mild insomnia...I couldn't deny the symptoms that I am having for the past few days, I couldn't deny that irritability is keep bugging me. Now, headache (yet, I am still blogging here).

Ok, I know if I am in irritation, I can't do anything well. Then I sat in front of my laptop, yesterday, I prayed and asked Him that, do all these symptoms indicate that the inflammation is coming back? I checked about thyroiditis in detail online again. Ya, all the symptoms fit. I prayed for peace. Then, guess what? I went to tidy up and clear my stuffs such as the "cabinet" that put all the whatever garments, and cleared all the unwanted stuffs, rearranged everything, cleaned the big box that I keep all my document case, all my notes, then ironed all those pants (just washed and dried, left ironing), conclusion is I cleared those things that I very seldom clean it, because they are always clean from outside view. (screw it, what kind of grammar and sentence is this...I felt something wrong to my grammar). After I did all those, irritation can be considered is gone. His work? His solution to relieve my irritability?

I shall be strong. And make sure the whatever precaution should be done. Suspected on gaining weight and the fat accumulation. The so called tummy comes out (for other people, they always jealous that I don't have tummy (Seriously, for me, that is really a tummy, although not big until to be considered as spare tire). I will conquer all these...

Irritation and whatsoever, please GET LOST!!!

runaway? or?

I slept for almost 4 hours for my afternoon nap (it is not called nap anymore...=.=)

At home for the past 4 days, I sleep not so well (or I also have no idea how well I slept, or I didn't sleep much), I felt tired for almost the whole day. Friends who saw me in campus asked the same question and same description on how I looked that time. Fatigue coming back and this symptom gets worsen? A bit too soon to determine this. Maybe I shall rest more, if not, my energy would not recover and is gotta be hard for me to adjust it back after next week as new semester starts soon and is going to be a hectic semester. I have a lot of things to deal with, very challenging ones: time management and planning.

This few days, for the past few days, I knew that I am under tension, from the bad habit. Other than driving, other than watching Japanese animation, listen to songs, I only stay at home. I don't even think of go walking in shopping malls. Slept around 12am and woke up around 8-9am. Quite normal and enough sleep. I don't even think of my lab work. However, after coming back, I know I am avoiding something, I have no idea of what I am avoiding of, until now. Normally when I am avoiding something, sleep a lot is the way, Maybe this time is my health problem...I am just too tired, I guessed. And please, pain, don't come back so soon, as I know that, when inflammation of thyroid glands starts, it will cause pain and all the symptoms will attack in which one of the symptoms is patient tends to sleep a lot and feel very tired for "no reason".

I know I am under great tension, I know life from onwards is going to be very challenging. I won't give up. Ke Jun, wake up!!! Don't runaway and stop avoiding!!!

=.=

All of a sudden, feel very "dulan". This word, I presumed is quite popular in the society, or whatsoever.

In the middle of my afternoon nap, is getting hotter and hotter. Ya, weather is moderately hot today. Got some sorta irritated because of the heat then I decided not to continue my nap.

Grrr!!! Is my language power and expression so hard to be understood? Something that very easy, yet people so hard to understand it, some more misunderstood it. Is a disaster to me when the message of "don't get what you meant, or I misunderstood it, so I didn't do it", or something that people just "purposely" doesn't want to inform early, last minute only inform, causing people in trouble, made me wanna shout at the phone (even though the message came in the form of sms)

Ya, recently, I easily get angry (not because of PMS), MAINLY because things that did not meet my own requirement, or what planned is not going on smoothly because of some people's misunderstanding or slow pace. Ish! Very "dulan"!

Come on, Ke Jun, you need to calm down. Calm down...