get better

On Monday evening, got myself the RIGHT medicine, prescribed steroid, prednisolone. I need to eat this medicine for 6 days, one tablet per day, so is from Monday till Saturday, which is today.
Ok, I don't want the condition to be worsen, it had been very pain (the pain has worsen) since last Friday until Sunday, could you imagine, I could only sleep to avoid from feeling pain... It had seriously affected my temper, mood and emotion. For that whole week, I don't feel like talking to people or doing things that need high patience, if not, I scared I will lose patience and throw tantrum. However, to finish my task until 50%, I need to bear with my own temper and emotion, I won't let pain control me so much. For now, 90% pain and 70% swelling gone.

Ok, I had angry to S because of a very simple reason: when I was in pain, S stepped and crossed my borderline, I don't mind S always talks in quite no manners to me (because can be considered quite close), however, that time, I felt disappointed and the next anger came. I didn't talk to S for more than one week. The day S started to talk to me, I still unwillingly to answer S properly. My pain still there, I scared the pain was controlling my emotion and temper that time. So, I answered S in a very cool tone... Then on Thursday, we talked and tried to solve this issue. At the half of our conversation, we nearly quarreled when talked through MSN, then S asked to talk face-to-face. Ok, fine, talked in my room. Finally, issue solved =) Felt very relieved that time. Then we chatted. S even described the FYP progress in a very enthusiastic expression, I like it...^^

At the same time, I can feel that my friends felt my sincerity and trustworthy and not to "scared" at my coolness...XD. I felt glad about that.

Conclusion: bad temper, impatience, bad emotions had gone away with the pain...

the solution

I shall correct and make a statement here: The pain caused by thyroiditis, is reducing initially but became worse for the past 3 days...T.T

I have been slept since 12 something in noon until almost 6pm, only in between, around 2 something woke up because of nature calling. Then my friend called. Don't know why, my patience reached the limit and I thought I have showed my impatience in answering the call. Sorry, but my friend said she is fine and she understood that...thanks, Chin Ling...^^ And also replying sms. Continued my sleep after replied the sms.

I slept for so long, because during sleep, I won't feel the pain. And I couldn't be sleeping all the time, so, I shall make myself very busy to avoid feeling the pain... And I shall go get the prescribed medicine, and not to rely on the natural products...ok, last decision!

good news

Good news for my physical condition. Pain caused by thyroiditis reduced a lot and conditions caused by hyperthyroidism also became better. As mentioned in previous n-th post, doctor cut the dosage of the medicine. The effect is seen after 2 weeks (medicine and endocrine system took 2 weeks to "govern" and body to adapt to the new dosage of medicine taken). My metabolic rate decreases, not that high as before this, I can sense of full after a meal that is not that much. Could you imagine, before this, no matter how much I eat also I can't feel full? From the bright side, I can definitely participate in eating competition...XD. However, from the bad side, I may have cause my liver works overload, and always need eat a lot to have "feel" in stomach is kinda torturing.

Pain (since thyroiditis started to strike on me) caused by thyroiditis made me became impatient and get angry easily, even though with just a simple reason... =.= However, this is overcame by good news mentioned above. So, isn't it nice? The good ones cover the bad ones, I am thinking, if the good news is not exist, I might end up throwing tantrum at my friends or smashing the small glasswares (so that it won't cause so great noise, XD) into the sink. Imagine that... By the way, I am controlling myself well, so far no one "kena", and no glasswares become the "victim"...lolz. Pain, away from me as soon as possible, can? (From the bright side, I know my own EQ is better than before...^^)

not ok

I am SERIOUSLY not ok, NOT ok, and NOT OK!!!


I am NOT OK in terms of physically and mentally...=(

my temper

Seriously, my bad temper is back. WHY?!

Ok, the bad temper started since I got the thyroiditis in the end of September or near October. That time I didn't know about that, so I was worried and I lost temper without reason. Erm, not to say without reason, the only reason is I was in pain!!! Is not that I can't bear it, ya, I told my friends who concern about me. I think they should know what happened to me with my sudden change of temper.

Then I found out, when in hormone imbalance, in pain, depressed or whatever, it will affect a person's temper or so called attitude. And it caused me to get back my bad temper again. I became very impatient, easily angry. And seriously, when I was doing my lab work, which the steps need a lot of patience, I felt like smashing all glasswares into the sink...=.= And yet, I got to control myself well. I know I couldn't lose temper to anyone else. So I lose the temper in my own room. By banging the my room's door, cycle very fast by making myself very tired, eat a lot, etc.

As long as the pain still there, and I feel it, I know I will continue lose my temper without any trigger from outsiders. So, I want to say sorry if I ever lose temper or say bad words or do something bad to any of my friends. I know I should have been controlling it, but is hard. I will try my best to control my temper in anyway...

闯祸?

明知道不可以这么做，可是就是情不自禁地，不知不觉地把感情放下去了。明知道得不到回报，却还是默默地付出...

这一切的一切，是我不想要的。我需要解决问题，需要解决了它...

On and off 的痛苦...T_T

分不清楚

Kinda a bit blur and confused on my physical state now... >.< Am I actually tired? Or very energetic now? Or I am just no mood. I have things to do but yet I am still delaying (those things can be delayed). I am just not in the mood... Ish!!!

Looked at myself on the mirror. Face getting sharper? And the most obvious thing is my face is like very dull and sleepy, with no smile on my face. I just couldn't smile when I looked at the mirror. Maybe I AM JUST NOT IN THE MOOD FOR EVERYTHING!!! What happened to me?!

This few days, boss's order and the workload (a simple test but a lot of steps) caused me very busy, tension and rush, until I can "forget" the pain that I am actually still having it. See? I am really thankful for that. I am not taking the steroid, but taking natural product to reduce the inflammation. Pain is getting very less now, but the swelling still there, a big one... >.< I hope the swelling gone faster. Suddenly I am hoping so much for that, in fact the thyroid glands already swell for very long time. The thyroiditis that I am having now caused me wanted to sleep and feel wanna lie down. Maybe I am getting better in sleep in this few days? (I hope so, and actually I sleep until I am reluctant to wake up, and compared to before this I woke up automatically.) Conclusion: I think I can get into sleep a little better than before.

I am still confused whether I am tired now...I don't even feel sleepy. Or I am actually sleepy now? What do I want? Ish ish...!!!

好久没见

好像很久没见了，竟然会去想你。想你的笑容，想你的声音，你的声音能让我觉得舒服，开心，自从那次那通电话，我知道我在寻找着这种感觉。

这几天，说实在的，很想见到你，可是就是无法记得你的模样，超坏的我... 说真的，我无法记得朋友的样子，通常在那时刻遇到才知道的，但一遇到，我知道他/她是我的朋友...

现在，好想再听见你的声音...

感触?

不知怎的，我似乎有股冲动，想要找一把能让我心境平静的声音。我想我能在听了那个人的声音，无论我再怎么不开心，再倍受压力，痛苦，我都能很快地平静下来。

我似乎是找到了。我希望是。最近有点极端(用词好像有点不对)。

现在我有点想听见你的声音...

should I?

That day (I forgot which day), C talked to me. Started the conversation with me. Ok, I know, C sure asks what result I got. That time I was thinking, C has no other questions to ask, why must always ask this?

Told ya I don't wish to talk with C again. So I asked C why talk to me again. Then C said: "I am not that small gas la, over so long already..." My response that time, I was thinking: "who do you think you are, you think you are the one who is ALWAYS right?" Damn it, fine, I don't want to be so care about that. C always thinks that she is right (Ok la, I tell you all now C is a she.) And C mad at me is because I don't want listen to her. She ALWAYS think that she is good in everything.

Then talk craps...which just crack anything, as long as not related to me, that she doesn't has chance to know my secret and spread around or else. Just told her what happened recently as she asked, but will avoid questions that regarding too much about other coursemates, I will try my best to run off from that questions by talking other craps...lolz. Just don't want to let her know what she wants to know the most. Told ya, I won't trust C anymore. Be friends, ok, but I won't put in trust. But I will make myself looked like I trust her as friend. (I am not fake-ing here, I am protecting myself.)

I was actually think of give C another chance, chance of being friends again. I am still thinking. Well said that, last semester to be classmates, why not forgive and be friends again? I am still considering...