the courage

A "big slap" to myself.

Somehow, a few days ago, don't know where is the courage came from, I felt like telling the feeling of spiritual/emotionally dependence on S to one of S's close friend (let S's close friend is indicated as L at here, L also a friend that is I quite trust on). Am I totally insane? Okay, I already told L about this. And some sorta relieved. Well, the purpose I told this to L is because I felt that, the more I avoid from S, the more I think about S. And I also hope L can some sorta help me (in terms of listening or whatever), so that L also won't feel weird why did I refuse to tell S about my condition, why did I choose to avoid from S and also to reduce the awkwardness in myself.

One classic sentence from L was: You (whom is me) are stupid to avoid from S, and again, the more you avoid from S, the more you will keep on dependent on her. Why don't just let it be? Okay, L told me about L's own story that quite similar to mine and suggested me to think that is just a very close friendship (I didn't say is any love thingy towards S, is just that I scared I have the wrong feeling on S). Is that I am too "protective" and care more about S as I take S as an important person in my life nowadays. Sounds better, right? Somehow, I did felt relieved.

So what now? I shall not avoid from S anymore, but I will try to rely on myself more, find another non-living organism to depend on. As I am now considered very busy, time already fully occupied to be in campus, engrossment occupied my time, at least engrossment restrain me from thinking much about S...will remember that: JUST LET IT BE.

The most important thing is I must have the courage and determination to just let it be.