Seriously, since last week, everything is not going right, especially my health condition. I hope is not my 心理作用. Then I was thinking, those conditions I faced are affecting and causing consequences to me, is it still considered 心理作用?
I know I shall be STRONG. But also the time my soul becomes weak. I realized that I am even more rely on someone. And yet the person doesn't know my conditions. Well, I know there will be some doubts from the readers on the reason I do so. The someone is the one I was mentioning in the previous posts. I don't want to tell S is because I don't want to increase my reliability to S, especially now my soul is weak. Instead, I wish to be stronger than before, I wish to be independent in facing myself. I NEED to do it!!!
When I am alone, I am more keen to wanna cry. I feel easier to have tears, but of course haven't cry out. I isolate myself even often to avoid chaos and to avoid causing trouble to anyone. If I am with other people, I will just bear my conditions (if I am under the attack of the conditions). Am I considered stupid or stubborn?
Now, I tend to sleep more, to grab more time to sleep and rest while I still have the time, while I am still not fully occupied yet with stuffs. The worst thing is that the studies is affected by the health condition. I can't fully concentrate or sometimes cannot concentrate at all.
I really hope miracles somehow happens...
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