my biggest weakness

After get into university or I shall say all this while, I only realized my biggest weakness is dumb in dealing with feelings thingy, or relationship thingy. That's why I hate to be in relationship or has any weird feeling towards anybody, no matter is guy or girl. Then slowly, it transformed and made me not interested to be in relationship.

Twice in almost one and a half year. Dealing with those unsure feelings is making me insecure and making me in dilemma. I felt helpless when deal with those problems. I can only choose to talk to my good friend, and one or two who is I trust more in my study life. Thanks to them who help me by listening to me. Of course, those are only opinions, I need to solve on my own. Is all about my determination to get rid of them again.



Thought that I am independent enough, thought that my soul is strong enough, I thought I can depend on my own all the time. Recently, I don't know what's wrong with me, I felt like just rely on someone, I felt like crying as much as I can (oh gosh, I feel like crying now...T.T) Wanna just stay in my room, wanna just be alone, wanna to be just be quiet in my room, to think, to hug on my own, don't want to do anything; just to be ALONE and ON MY OWN. Facing my own body condition, my feelings, my emotionally disturbance, suddenly I feel helpless. Suddenly I become a coward, I am not as strong and brave-hearted to face those things like previously. Hope this is just a stage in short time, hope I can recover from that. Feeling helpless and in dilemma for so long time is so not like me, because of this, I was getting frustrated, irritated and mood swing (of course by other reasons too). Trying to be as normal in front of my friends. I am desperate sometimes, I want to cry but bearing all the time, even I am alone.

I feel like crying now...T.T