again-Yui

This song is one of the theme songs of the newer version of Fullmetal Alchemist. This is some sort the chinese subtitle of the theme song. Enjoy...

Again

在这思念消失之前

人生还很漫长

遗憾未了之事

还想重头来过

梦的延续 本应继续追寻

蜿蜒小道上 人却绊住脚步

其实并非想回到过往

却仍在找寻失去的天空

别只为了得到理解

摆出那付出牺牲般的悲伤表情

罪的尽头不会是泪水

你需要一直背负着痛苦

在不见出口的感情迷宫中

等到着谁

白色笔记中缀满的心意

多想更坦率地说出口来

到底在逃避什么

莫非是现实

为实现梦想而生

多想大声呐喊 能听见吗

谁能忍受平平庸庸

我已无路可逃

总对你的温柔心存感激

所以想变得坚强

多么怀念

何不欢迎这痛楚

lyrics-Open up your mind

Even when it seems that nothing can go right
and you want to just give up,
if you close your eyes,
you can see the world from your heart.

In this world when life can be so tough
You must be strong
Just believe in yourself and don't you fear
So open up your mind and close your eyes
Take another look from the other side

Even on a lonely night, when you wander afraid,
you may be alone now, but
your feet can take you however far you want to go, so

Just hold on tight, because if you close your eyes,
look inside yourself, there's a shining light there.
Yes, I want you to believe in everything,
You can take another look from the other side.

Just hold on tight, even if your heart is breaking.
Reach into your soul, even if you can't see tomorrow.
Yes, if you have the strength to live,
You can take another look from the other side,
until you find all that is love

I wish for you to have the strength
to make it through this world,
so open up your mind,
and you'll be able to see...
until you find all that is love...

Just remember you are not alone
So don't you fear
Even though you're miles away
I'm by your side
So open up your mind and close your eyes
I'll be there for you no matter where you are

The stars may live for a long time, but that doesn't mean
that the same days will repeat over and over forever.
Noone can see into tomorrow.

Just hold on tight, because if you close your eyes,
look inside yourself, you'll feel a heartbeat.
Yes, I want you to believe in the future.
You can take another look from the other side.

Just hold on tight, even if your heart is breaking.
Reach into your soul, even if you can't see tomorrow.
Yes, there's another world out there.
You can take another look from the other side,
and you'll be able to find all that is love...

Just hold on tight, because if you close your eyes,
look inside yourself, you'll feel a heartbeat.
Yes, I want you to believe in the "future."
You can take another look from the other side

Just hold on tight, even if your heart is breaking.
Reach into your soul, even if you can't see tomorrow.
Yes, there's another world out there.
You can take another look from the other side,
until you find all that is love...

one month

One month just passed as holiday. Another 2 months for holiday. Gonna be jobless starting from next Thursday. Zzz...

What has happened in this one month? Besides 处理 my dilemma. I thought I really let it go totally, but seriously haven't really totally. Still a little bit and it really bothers me sometimes. Time heals, so I just wait the time to bring my dilemma away and also I will give on effort to myself to let go of it. I want to be FREE from this.
I also waited for results. Finally I got it, informed by my friend through handset when I was still at school. I was so nervous that time. Luckily I had no more classes after I received the call. If not, I really scared I can't pay attention in teaching. Overall, still ok, although not what I wanted, results was still ok, not dropped to the very unexpected.

Teaching again...sometimes very free, sometimes very busy. Sometimes, I scolded every time I entered class. Of course I don't wish to scold, but then those students really 欠骂...won't be having breathing difficulty after long time scolding because I used 丹田气...haha. The weird thing is my voice turned a little bit low even though I haven't start to work as teacher in the holiday. What's wrong ya? However, with this lower voice, I can scold and talk louder, shout also louder and 有力...hehe. Can create greater effect for shutting the student's mouth and make the class quiet.

Am I looking forward for the days being jobless or wanna continue working? I have plans in the holiday, although not occupied, I need time to rest too...so most probably won't continue work.
Waiting forward for days later...for rest, relax, plans, anything...

is torturing

Is hard to set a title. I stared at the screen for so long just for a title. Well, straight to the point.

我告诉自己，这三个月假期，可用来整理我的整体思绪，那感觉，考试所带来的压力(以致带来上星期一的病，虽然只是一个晚上，但那病比我在外求学时的病来得更严重; 不说这个了)

我有点relieved的感觉因为假期到了，我有机会可以整理整体的思绪，告诉自己，不再让自己被这种感觉折磨，不再让自己对一个人那么好，不再让自己陷入这种矛盾，再也不要了. Recalling, 偏偏那个时候它太靠近我的年终考试，我还在过渡期, 我好辛苦才让自己真正专心，我不晓得这次的成绩会否因为那来的不是时候的感觉所影响，我知道不会，但还是会有少许的，多多少少, 只希望不会太糟. I did my very best without letting myself screwed in that contradictory so much. I really studied very hard for the exam.

Unfortunately, in the holiday, 真的有点折磨，因为我竟然不敢与他交谈，即使是平时我们会crap all the time, now I even don't know how to start a crap conversation. Start a simple conversation like, "hi", "how are you", seems so hard too... 我想他真的不知道这件事，但...我竟然不知道或忘记了自己是如何与他开始谈天的. When almost getting to sleep, 满脑子都是你. Oh crap! 那时的我是怎么了? 我是惯了那种交谈方式就因为那感觉? 我惯了，感觉不在了，连一个如何与他交谈的方式的回忆都不留? 我想我还是慢慢适应吧, in holiday, is really nothing much to crap about. Oh ya, is true, screw me, I really think too much. 告诉自己我只是想太多. Haiz, I think I really think too much, this hell long holiday really sucks, making room for me to think too much, TOO MUCH of craps. I should have put everything down. 啊......!!! 很烦啊，我是不是自找烦恼?

You know what, I won't let this torture me anymore, I will let it off! Trust me, tomorrow will be better. Just assume that I am a coward that 我以为你知道，其实我知道你根本不会知道我在想什么, 自己心理作祟!

a meaningful day

Well, Monday night was a bad day for me. Damn that day!!! However, I was fine on Tuesday, and totally fine on Wednesday onwards.

On Wednesday, I met up with my friend, Kuan ( in English, I prefer to call her that way ), Well, she is older than me, so, I consider her as my sister. She taught me, no, not to say teach, is inspired me in many ways. I do appreciate her that she always care about me as her friend. I do also care about her.

Actually no one (I mean my friends that know me) actually realized my relationship with my mother (with my family will be a better answer, but with mother is the worst) is bad except her. Don't care how she realized, because I also don't know and I myself don't want to accept the truth that my relationship with my mother is actually not that good until she seriously tell me when we had that conversation on Wednesday. That time, we became colleagues and good friends in that not big and not really small office, so maybe she took that opportunity to understand me. I appreciated that and I certainly won't blame her why she cares too much. I WON'T!

She shared a lot of things with me and she did inspired me and made me realized many things. She has confidence on me that I can do better to fix the relationship with my mother if I can step out one pace (踏出第一步), since I can't change my mother, then maybe I can change myself to influence my mother. Well, I actually don't really understand why she has so great confidence on me while I myself don't have such confidence in myself. By the way, she told me that, she knows my attitude, she knows I am not a person that will give up easily. Oh ya? I hope I am. Let say it is. Since she has confidence on me, then shall I give up without having a try? I think I will let her disappointed if I do so. Agree?

Ok...I just need time...ya, time, I just need that.

一场恶梦

During this exam week, of course, I am busy with my notes, books, no time for me to think other thing else.
就在我真正放下后，有一天，睡觉时，竟然梦见我向他表白，而他竟然接受! 我们还在一起. 当时就快要天亮了，当场被吓醒. 睡不下去了. That's ridiculous! 害到我的心不能定下来整整半天，读书读了整半天，没什么进脑. 我是真的放下了，为何会这样呢?

告诉自己，那是一场恶梦...那不是真的...

从我开始对他有感觉时，都不想对他说，不想让他知道，也不能让他知道，为何就是要有这场梦呢? 真讨厌!!! 讨厌的是我会有那样的反应(我的心不能定下来整整半天). 这意味着什么? 有谁可以告诉我?



我觉得到最后是我自己要清楚自己是在想些什么...

真正完结篇

说真，不知何时开始有的感觉，一直到现在的death phase. 从不肯定到肯定，从“拿起”到放下，那种日子真的很难过但也有开心的，因为看见及感觉到他珍惜自己所付出的，感到高兴. 不曾想让他知道那个付出是只是为了他的，因为我就是不想让他知道. 过程我知道我在做些什么，为了谁，值不值得，那些问题留给我自己就好了.然而现在已放下了，不再想了，才能收拾心情，轻松地过接下来的日子.

那过渡期真的好不容易地度过. 然而我已度过了.