emotional

I need to know what exactly happened to me very badly. I easy to become so-called "emo" recently. Hard to control my emotions recently, especially at night when I am facing the laptop, books and notes alone. Is not that I am mind about being alone (certainly not mind about being alone at all!!!), what I am mind about is I started to lose control of my own emotions under the condition of I also don't know what caused me to behave like that. The good news is I didn't lose my temper or my emotions to other people at outside. People might say I think too much, well, I did thought that what people said is true, but the truth is I felt not very right with my feelings recently. Getting very hard to express out, and certainly hard to control recently.

Get to talk to a friend. I also don't know whether actually I expressed what I want to or not. I also not sure whether my mood is getting better. I still don't know yet that time, because there is other thing was actually dissipate my attention. The weird thing, I am getting better now, even though I may not express what I want to, this kind of emotions lost most of that just like that. Suddenly I felt much more better. (Maybe because I can't find a person that I trust to listen to me, so my conscious asked me fought for my better emotions? I won that match just because I told myself not to rely on people, must rely on my own?!) I am way back to my "consciousness", back to who I am now, can focus in my stuffs seriously and dedicated.

Emotional, did I fight and win over your side? Conclusion: I won.

很不对的感觉

我是这样脆弱的吗? 我突然好想哭。
才开始新学期的第一个星期，我竟然想要哭。肯定不是因为想家，也不完全是学业的压力，也不完全是自己对要求自己的要求，不完全是自己的想法的作祟，也就是说我找不出一个所以然来解释我现在的心情。

来一些肺(废)话...
我想我曾经说过对别人不断的猜疑是很辛苦的，我正在经历着。因为我不想历史重演，所以相处并提防一些朋友。一些朋友正在改变着，又在想他是有居心吗，会不会又想要像上次这样害我，在背后刺一刀，搞杯葛? 有时出于自己的好心，却惹来别人的利用，感觉有点厌恶了。(有谁会喜欢?! ==)
也造成了你有某某利用价值才与你好。人越来越假情假意，真心还要吊高来卖。

还是做好自己吧，人最重要的是不能失去自我。

lyrics-Summer Memories

The song entitled "Summer Memories" by Aya Kamiki is awesome. The rhythm is smooth, quite attracting my attention. By the way, this song is a little melancholic. Enjoy the translation of lyrics below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lims783byQM

Lyrics
You cannot notice easily the thing I really want
The rhyme of the sea,the wind, the waves.
It’s my prayer in the stars in the whole sky.

When I want you to be with me, you always doesn’t with me
So in the way right now, I’m only waiting for you

* Summer Memories
Because I like to keep running back throughout with those dreams
The future is far and blurred, but the times alone in the night is too long
The sky above shines

**Summer Memories
If ever I feel sad, I make fake smiles, I’m a box of happiness, a traveler who looks for it found me
Even if I act like an adult, still however my heart is weak
Without you, surely…

Summer Memories

Summer Memories

I felt afraid and cast down my eyes, my cowardice blocked the way up
So I just walked alone in this way, but still

Summer Memories
I should know that such day to come
You’ll flap your beautiful wings towards the sky
Its strange right, while small memories will be one in my heart
Without being able to forget it

Summer Memories
Living through the in memories, a traveler looks for the door of tomorrow, and found me
Even if I get away, how am I here anytime?
Even if I don’t return

Repeat *
Repeat **

Summer Memories
Summer Memories

最近的我

有感最近的我，有点多疑，对别人存有更强的戒心(以前这感觉已存在了)。也不知如何形容，就是我越来越不相信别人。也许表面我做得似乎很信任别人，可是，在心底，却不断地猜疑。

也许大部分的因素是阴影吧，以前，我还蛮相信我的朋友，可是那个朋友却不知为何，却来个翻脸，突然间不理睬我。我真搞不懂为什么，试图检讨自己，但也找不出问题所在，过后也不了了之。(我真的很"坏")。也发现到一些朋友只是假惺惺，对我好，因为可以从我身上得到好处(别问我如何知道别人假惺惺，这是我的方法)。知道这真相过后，虽然照理来说，这种朋友不值得交，但也交了一段时间，多多少少也有所谓的感情。从那开始，我就对别人存有戒心，无论那个人看起来是多么的真心，盛情款款，我也为了那个人的面子，就心存戒心地"收下那盛意拳拳的对待"。其实，在大班大学同学聚在一起讲话，聊天，一起欢笑，我很少参与，因为我按捺不住自己一直对那些人的猜疑，在想到底那些人在讲什么，是不是在言语中在隐射某某人。又或者突然对你很好，让你受宠若惊那一种，又在想那些人要对你做些什么。

说真，有时真的很累，我也不想常常这样想及处处提防别人。现今的社会是险恶的，我常这样告诉自己，这样做可以保护自己免得受到伤害。也许这样想，会让我好过些。

lyrics-We survive

Found this song today as I had nothing to do, so click whatever song to try at music browser. Found that this song is nice and suit my taste. This song is performed by Kotoko.

Below is the English translation of the song. The music is awesome.

translation version

Crying happy tears this wind leading me on has

A gentle smell and a warmth I've gotten used to

Now, in this bounded world, up to the horizon

What will I discover with these eyes that hide my emotions?

I journey up the satin sky keeping the hidden stars inside my heart

So that I won't be heard nor seen I spat it out quietly

But now, I'm going to banish my glorious past

Even in the distorted day or in the cold night they'll change to gemstones

Crying empty tears if you are gonna let me flow them

I wanna feel protected like this way all the time

At this moment, the thin needle has gone past a period of time

And eventually, above us the sun will surely rise

I opened both my arms to really go and swim around this small world

But making sure this time I won't smash apart the square-shaped sky

Only now, what flows unendingly is this sign of a weakness I have

Even though I only wanted to feel the heat I get from it

Crying dreamy tears that would be

So childish and immature of me

So let's flood this spontaneous empty space with some talking

In this plastic world the sun draws a perfect circle

Crying tempting tears if you got caught by them

Then before they flow much more let's say goodbye right here

No I don't want any excuses (I said, while) my back was shivering

In those slowly opening eyes the sun has surely risen




透过微笑的眼泪 看见指引方向的微风
传来你温柔的气味 和令我安心的温暖
现在 在这个有限的世界和天空的尽头
你饱含情意的双眸 想要去寻找什么?

看着如同锦缎般湛蓝的天空 星星只残留在心底
仿佛什么都听不见 什么都看不见 轻声倾诉去一切
现在 奋力打碎耀眼的过去
将歪曲的清晨 寒冷的深夜 都变成未经雕琢的宝石
如果 空虚迷惘的眼泪可以得到原谅
我希望能够就这样一直守护在你身边
现在 纤细的指针继续追赶着时间
你我的头顶 也一定会有朝阳升起

对着这片方形的天空 这次一定要小心翼翼
张开双臂 畅游这个小小的世界
只有这次 我允许自己泪流不止
为了去感觉 这份代表着脆弱的热情
梦中流下的眼泪 证明我其实一直
停留在孩子的心情 怀念着年幼的时光
用自己的故事 去填充那一片突然闪过的空白
在这个塑料的国度里 亲手绘出朝阳的轮廓

若是抹不去那挥手告别时的眼泪
在昨天与明天重合之前 轻声说出再见
止不住颤抖的背影 不需要任何解释
缓缓睁开的眼中 一定会盈满朝阳的光芒

peace

平静的几个星期. 拿得起，就要放得下. 正如很多人所说的，让自己忙碌于另外一些事来麻醉自己，再加上时间这个良药(唯一的药), 渐渐地把那件事情给淡化了. 不让自己把问题复杂化, 不让自己有太多的遐想(太空闲了，难免会有遐想).

期待着忙碌的日子(我脑子是不是有问题?), 我想尽快投入忙碌的日子，忘却一切"诱惑"，专注在当下对我最重要的事. 因为被一些现在我觉得无关痛痒的事情困扰着，且造成影响，是多么不值得.

曾经问过一位朋友，为何一个人会继续在意另外一人，虽说那一个人已放下了. 朋友说，因为你认为你所付出的那另一个人没在意，不当一回事, 你失望因为他没珍惜. 这是不是叫作自作多情?

平静的心灵，过去的感慨，今日的告诫.

lyrics-Tsunaide Te

"Tsunaide Te" is the third ending song (if I am not mistaken) of Fullmetal Alchemist season 2. Found chinese subtitle and English subtitle of the song. Enjoy it..

Chinese subtitle

走遍千山万水 还想在此重逢

牵住我的手吧 别在人群中走散

Rap:

曾经互诉衷肠直至朝阳升起

曾经两手相牵直至夕阳落山

明天后天也这样共同走过吧 像那光与影

你的心中究竟在想什么

身处何种世界 如今真想知晓

落寞地凝视着街道

孤单一人何来温暖

爱能让人如此坚强

邂逅了你我才察觉

走遍千山万水 还想在此重逢

牵住我的手吧 别在人群中走散

孤枕难眠只因缺了梦想

请带我远离所有的不安

照亮我没有星辰的夜晚

Rap:

跟随你总能去到任何地方

一人难行的道路 两人的话

哼着歌儿便能轻松走过了

有你就有幸福

English subtitle

Even if we part and meet again, I want to meet at this place

Then we'll hold hands to ensure we'll never be separated again

Rap:

We used to talk all night until the sun rose

And held hands till the sun went under the horizon

Let's walk together like this forever

Like light and shadow

I stand in the city, staring off into space with lonely eyes

I can't find warmth on my own

By metting you, I realized

How much strength love could give me

Even if we part and meet again, I want to meet at this place

Then we'll hold hands to ensure we'll never be separated again

I can't sleep by myself, 'cause I can't dream without you

So take me to a place where uncertainty can't reach us

And let us bring light to the night sky with no stars

Rap:

So long as you're with me, I can go to world's end

Even if it's a path I can't walk on my own

If you're by my side, I can walk it while humming a tune

If we're together, the world is mine

If we can't meet, I will miss all the happiness

I's so worried when he hugs me tightly

It seems I will lose the sight of tomorrow in the crowds

Love is so painful

I forgot the art which glossed over loneliness

Every time when we hold our hands together

We will walk together on this road

If I think of a dream that no one ever thought of

I will make this dream come true only with you

With a happiness

Rap:

While we are arguing on Saturday

I don't want to lose you

I feel something powerful get into my body and

The love getting warmth

NO MORE CRY

Something shine on my jeans pocket

Is a call from you but I ignore it

There's something in me already calm down

Maybe I will remain calm if you were here

There are something missing and it make me scare

I want to meet that "Important Person"

I will thinking about losing to someone

I hate this town so much

I want to hold your hand

I pretend to be tough but I can't

So unreasonable...Can I cry?

Autumn season will coming soon

Even if we part and meet again, I want to meet at this place

Then we'll hold hands to ensure we'll never be separated again

Rap:

I can't sleep by myself, 'cause I can't dream without you

So take me to a place where uncertainty can't reach us

If I think of a dream that no one ever thought of

I will make this dream come true only with you

With a happiness

resolutions?

Used to be doing my confessions and hopes and make a self-criticism here in every year end, however, last year, didn't do so here, in another blog which is the general ones. (Of course the topic I wrote there is kinda general and like doing report...~~)

I admitted that, I need more time to "ask" myself to face my own confession, there are sorta regrets last year. What is the origin problem? Oh ya, is self-determination, is not that don't have, is less than it should be in myself Need to "upgrade" my own EQ. ~~Already enter adult world, need 收身养性 more than I shall be, especially before I have my own career.

Well, in this year, I need more 自律, cannot let other "foreign" stuffs affect me easily. I know that I am quite 后知后觉 but some things if they "attacked" and affect me, I can't shut it off so easily, my "energy" is too weak to let it off quickly. Is kinda regret for letting those unnecessarily stuffs bother me much. Shoo shoo, go away, you all obstructions!!! By the way, thanks for being the challenges to my life and helped me grow up. (矛盾的话, 但有点道理咯...)

是时候要改变下自己的视野及看法，不是说我心胸狭窄或目光不够阔，是说我应该以不同角度来看待事情，常常以别人的立场再想一遍，或许结果会不一样. 承认自己是有点自我中心，也许我想有人肯定我吧. 我很高兴我的一个朋友，她告诉了我，当然我很欣赏她的坦诚，当然诚实的话，大多时候是很难听的，但它是你成长的关键，如果一个人能从一个良友的话作检讨，从中吸取忠言, 它能助你成长. 一个辣椒朋友能陪着一个人成长是一件可以说是幸福的事，因为朋友重视你啊，想与你续前缘. (好像扯太远了)

在新的一年里，要好好坐下来反省及plan. 剩下不多的时间，要毕业了，我达到我当初承诺的事吗? 不要再蹉跎岁月了...!!!