don't understand

Sometimes I just don't understand myself.

I know my stress level is increasing, because the pain on my swollen on my neck is giving me warning. I always like that, my swollen on my neck or the whole neck will be very pain until wanna make me cry for the unbearable pain. But when my friend is looked stress, I will try to cheer him/her up, forgetting myself also face the problem, but "busying" cheering people up. After my friend looked cheerful, I would feel that my problem also "dissolved" a bit. ( Although I know is haven solved yet, but at least the feeling in stress level won't make me looked so moody, the face so emotionless. )

Don't know whether I am good in hiding my feeling or I just don't know how to express my words, my stress level getting increasing. I feel so tired.

is just a day

Wow...so long do not update here. I am lacking the kind of materials and inspiration for writing in here.

Today was organic chemistry mid-term test. I was regret for didn't grabbing more time for studying. My mind was flying away most of the time. I also don't know what am I thinking and why am I behaving like that. Anyway, I never give up in trying in chemistry (although I knew my result will not going to be very nice this time)A big sigh for that...sighz...

Just now back from eating somewhere else. Near the place I am staying now, Kepong. My friend following my car. Ok, there was nothing to be elaborated here. So, nothing much to say. What I can only say is we ( my friend who is staying in Kepong and I ) were laughing in the car. Reason? Haha, don't want tell you. After went there, we only found that it was too early for dinner that time. So, we went to my place there, Sri Damansara.

One of my friends that followed us called P looked very stress. Don't know what actually happened to her. It just not like herself today. P always is the most looked cheerful ones. She always laughs and smile. Hahaha, very cute, and because of when she laughs,her face will turn red, we always teased her...The friend who is in my car called C, she mentioned about the condition in P. C said if she were a guy, she will most probably go courting her. Hmm...what can I say? A good idea? A good suggestion? Maybe if I were a guy, I may consider....hahahahahaha... Ok ok, stop laughing...

We stopped at a shop to have a second round eating. Again we talked all those za-ing things and events to make P laughs. Anyway, she did. Make us felt relieved. Although... suddenly feel that don't know wanna say it out or not. But for me, if my friend happy after we were tried to cheer her/him up, I feel happy also.

don't force me

不要逼我
真的不要逼我
真的真的不要逼我
不要再逼我了
我不想说出真相
我不想说我不想说的话

students' results

Before I quit my job as teacher, I had marked almost all the test papers and discussed some of the papers. Overall, their results were quite acceptable. I can see the joyfulness on students' face when they scored higher than before. Me? Of course I will feel the happiness and the satisfaction as a teacher. The science papers that I set harder than the first time's, so no one in my class got 100 marks. When I set the papers, because I was in the condition like being forced as I was busy with choir stuffs and need to set so many papers somemore. Really damn it. So, I told myself, I will set the questions until no one get 100 marks. ( abnormal thoughts ). Lastly my wish was realized. Haha...=_= Anyway, the questions that I set can make students learn. As long as they listen to and understand my teaching, they can do well.

Those students that I expected can do well didn't make me disappointed. The highest achiever in my science subject still maintain her position, with 97 marks as the highest in the class ( Standard 2 ). The students that failed last time pass this time and score higher than I expected. I praised those who improved in my classes. I felt happy when students got improved. Some of the students whom I taught them BM improved. They asked me don't leave and said that I am a very good teacher. I was so warmed that time. Students from that class, I always scold, beat and advice them, in fact I talked and scolded too much than I should, I put my biggest effort on them. I am glad that they appreciated. As teacher I only ask for students' appreciation by achieving good results and try their best in studying and not give up. Some students gave me presents on Teacher's Day, which on the card written "I love you, teacher". What I felt was terribly "cold", I never thought students will wrote this to me.

mental "disturbance"

有点心理不正常
心理不平衡
让我安定下来
恢复正常

Happy Teacher's Day

16/5,Wish all the teachers Happy Teacher's Day and myself too. ( 不要睬我，我快要神经了 )

Today is my last day of teaching. So I leave after celebrating Teacher's Day. A lot of activities were organized. I received a lot of presents? Because I need to leave? Or is just a kind of appreciation for me for teaching them?

Every teacher and staffs receive a cake, just like birthday cake. Quite big, teachers were called to come out to the stage to receive it. On the while of receiving, students were shouting and cheering there. Before this, I told my students that I will leave today...( this must be told because I cannot be so unprofessional and irresponsible by leaving not inform them-ok ok, a bit cold`` ). When my name is called, many students cheered. Wow, I never know that I am so welcomed among those teachers.

My friend fetched me today. Because she was a bit late that time, so I arrived school later than usual, haven't late for the schooling time.

When I went to my seat, WAH, so many presents and cards. Actually what I wanted from them is they are obedient and pay attention in studies, don't always make teachers angry. A teacher got many flowers like after organizing a concert. Anyway, she is good though. After that, activities were going on. On the while of waiting for the programmes, I received many flowers, cards and presents. Before Teacher's Day, I also received some presents-one of them is the most shocked-a carnation. What is meant by that? I never thought I will receive this flower. The student give me the wrong flower? Anyway, the student who is a she quite good and always pay attention in my teaching. Actually I also don't know whether my teaching is good, they can "admire" me like this...( 又冷``` ) And I was asked to write on their autograph book.

Then teachers had "pok luck",many food to eat. I was asked to eat more...(because I can eat a lot), ok la, quite a lot I eat. My classes all packed at behind. Anyway, I just want to distribute back the exam papers, so not much teaching here. I can't teach and explain much because the students came and 轰炸 me like they always do. I can't continue my discussion for the exam papers. Then this last day I let them relaz a bit, not as serious as before. Can chat, play... A student asked me why I do not smile and laugh in teaching before...how am I supposed to answer this? 这个问题没有答案的咯，拜托，不要问这样的问题...

The worst of all, I haven't finish marking all the test papers. You know, I will of course finish all the things before I leave for further studies.

At night, we teachers attended a dinner at Ming Kok Restaurant. Every teacher have a glass of wine. Wow, I drank until my face was red that time. I didn't eat a lot because chat with my new friend. This one nothing to say much...so no need elaborate here.

Thanks for all the colleagues and students who giving me a wonderful Teacher's Day. All the while I as student celebrate Teacher's Day with friends for teachers. Now is students celebrate for me who being as teacher. Will appreciate this feeling.

what a day

30/4, is the "Pesta Muzik" for Seremban 1 area.

Our school was invited to join the event. Our school team was asked to participate the choir competition. A colleague who is don't know anything about singing and music (the teacher before her is in charged in music section in my school) and another teacher also (the same thing-don't know anything) were asked. Afterwards, maybe my "talent" and my "ability" got to know by my colleague and my co-curriculum senior assistant. I was asked to in charge in the school choir team which will facing the competition today.

One thing I ever suprised was my school dare to use a temporary teacher to train their school team and also asked the temporary teacher to bring and represent the team to be the pianist. I am damn tension that time because I realised my own problem-everything will go wrong when I am nervous. I don't want to cause harm to the school team. Anyway, I am forced to overcome it (I need to) because this is the last decision of my senior assistant. Starting the days to train the students in their singing. (Honestly to say that I am not good in singing but only have the knowledge in music). That time I really don't know what exactly can I guide the students. So I change the some knowledge in music into the singing section- pitching, tuning, etc technical problems.

Those days are quite tension and make me angry also. Because the students are quite stubborn and some are arrogant somemore. But at last some who didn't behave well got scolded by me indirectly, don't want to listen to me and ... And now they seems not so arrogant. (this is what I feel)

Today in the competition, while waiting for our turn to perform. We practise for the last time. Well, I didn't scold them anymore (the psychology tactic of facing competition is not scolding students in the last minute avoiding students losing the mood to perform well ) I was very nervous at that moment until my hands shivering. Heart beats very fast. I scared I will ruin their performance just because of my nervous. Anyway, I managed to cool down because I need to behave profesionnally in front of my students. I need to act braver than my students to give them the courage. They performed quite well. My playing was good, didn't have mistake. But I didn't hope much for the victory. Group that I bring went back to school first and my colleague's group left there (because the driver who brought them is not free, so they went back late,stay there longer to wait for the result) After I back to school, I was quite nervous also. I went to my class, I missed 7 classes today. ( I asked my friend to pass my orders to the students, I just went to the class to make sure my students do the right thing) After settled the homework, I waited at my seat.

Lastly, the message came in. We got the THIRD PLACE!!! I was shocked and I jumped for the joyness. Teachers in the staff room looked at me. They congrated me. I never thought this will happened to my team. Anyway, we still did our best.

Thank god we made it!!!