Experience with Him

Well, first of all, a good news here, at 8:50am, 12/4/2011, I handed in my thesis!!! Then, 18/4/2011, Monday, my boss (supervisor) asked me to submit him the hard bound thesis. For your information, and if I am not mistaken, I heard that from my previous batch onwards, there are no more hard bound copies needed in library as too much space is being taken up. But why my boss asked me to do so AND the most important thing, the hard bound thesis wouldn't be cheap. Then my seniors (students who were under my boss's supervision) said, my boss likes to collect thesis. Then does that mean my thesis is being appreciated? Let it be that...it can make me happy.

Ok, coming back to the main topic. Before I really started to do my thesis, I faced a lot of problems, the MAIN problem is I hadn't got my full title yet, until the week before my viva session, on Week 10, which was 25/3/2011. Because of not having got the finalized title yet, I couldn't start writing my thesis. And in the process of preparing the presentation, I faced some health problems. I consulted the doctor, but I didn't get an explanation that really satisfies me; but the doctor's explanation is the only answer I have now. So, for now, I have to just accept it. It's all caused by the inflammation of the thyroid gland, the pain will appear whenever I experience great stress. Great stress, how stressful it is, I think I am now immune to that term "stress". I probably don't realize that I am under great stress after being stressed for long. Well, the pain alarmed me, whenever I was under great stress. The tendency to experience pain is due to stress, as mentioned by doctor. So, I couldn't do my things with a calm mind. And surprisingly I cried quite often - why a surprise, it's because I very seldom cry, I am not someone who cries easily. The pain can be due to the inflammation or due to the stress. Whether it is the inflammation or not, can be determined by a blood test.

Anyway, fast-forward .... The pain irritates me A LOT. I tend to lose my temper, get frustrated, very often, even if I'm alone in my own room, with my own things.

But, thank God, I have never hurt anyone out of this frustration. I told God that I wouldn't want to hurt anyone because of my frustration. I told Him that I wish to have a peaceful mind to complete my things; I don't want to cry. However, there was a particular moment one time, when my mood had gone very bad. Everything seemed out of control and I cried a lot. And I called Pastor Lean See. She and Pastor Steven prayed with me to Him. Guess what? I felt a great relief after that.

(My face expression used to always betray me before this. But not since I started to complete my writing of the thesis and after my viva session. As I get to the end of my project I have made more friends and we get on well. Two days ago, my friend (who is my junior and we get on well) told me that he could tell that I was bearing the pain...Oh gosh, is it really that obvious? But I know no one can actually tell that I'm in pain, unless they really observe me carefully). At the time that I was dealing with my presentation and the thesis writing, almost everyday, I told Him that I wish to complete my things peacefully and smoothly. On the day of the presentation, before I entered the room, I kept praying that I don't want to feel nervous, I want it to be natural and smooth. And it was exactly that - it went so well that my partner asked me how come I was so calm during the presentation. Haha. Thank God that I could go through it smoothly. During the thesis-writing, I felt calm although the pain did strike at me. However, I am strong enough to face that, I am confident enough to face that, because I can feel that He somehow helped me by not bothering about the pain and just being able to concentrate on my thesis writing.

I thought perhaps it would be very painful again after I completed my thesis? And guess what, it WAS. My mood started to become bad again.And once again, I asked Him, Why? I asked Him what to do. Then that same day, I started to take the medication that I REALLY HATE as the medication causes various side effects. I talked to Him once again. At least I feel calm starting from last week. Now, I'm on my final mission in completing my Degree, my university life, which is to go through the FINAL exam which starts on 28th of April. I do wish He will be with me to go through it with me; I have prayed this.