peace and pain

Well, this title sounds contradictory. Lets see what am I going to talk.

Peace...it is because I know I done something right, that something made me feel that I won't be regret for ending it. I felt everything seems so quiet and no struggle in my heart, no more any struggle for whether trying to mend, or leave it or end it. In certain circumstances that MAYBE C's act is "needed", however, is NOT among us as all the while being C's friends. Is just hurting.
Another peace, is that I have not really think about S. All this while, since I said I want to let it be, at the same time, I was trying everything that I like to replace that kind of dependence feeling. Now, the feeling is almost gone, because I think I won't be depend on others anymore in terms of my emptiness of soul. So, if ask me whether am I willing to let it go? My answer will be, I am willing to do so. I don't want "anything" happen because I am trying to indulge and unrestrained. (Haha, I am just joking for the indulge and unrestrained, I will only do this when I am under great stress, but at the same time I am denying about the shooting up of stress level) Yes, I don't want any changes in the dependence feeling, because this kind of feeling is just a slight difference, in chinese sayings we called it as 一线之差...

Pain, ya, is the on and off health condition. Ya, I know it shouldn't be that pain and or it shouldn't be pain anymore? I am, all the while struggle with it, bearing the pain, but it just a little unbearable sometimes until I am kinda frustrated (when the pain is some sorta coming back, not that serious compared to the time when it was undiagnosed). This happened for some time, my friends always told me that if I am in pain or any feeling unwell, must tell them. Ok, I hide it from everyone. I mean, how am I going to start this kind of topic with my friends that always concern about me? Just start it by saying: I am in pain? Oh, come on, to meet people with this pain condition (I think my face will be quite "cool" and a little pale) also I am not wishing to, how am I going to tell them such issue? I can't even help myself when I am in pain. If I tell others, I might just cause people in trouble by make them worry about me. So, I better keep to myself. So pain, please DON'T persist. If You are trying to test my patience or giving me this kind of challenge, well, I am willing to receive this challenge. So, if You are giving me this challenge, so just consider that I am some sorta complaining a little here...Don't worry, I will fight to resolve the challenge!