Saturday, February 27, 2010

exhausted

Exhausted in terms of physically and mostly mentally. Having some sort of crash (won't tell the reason behind the crash) between some coursemates and some friends. I mysef also facing problems recently, nobody can actually help me except myself, therefore I have no mood to talk to others, including to my coursemates. Feel exhausted physically because of this problem. Actually like in this condition, the effect somehow is better, I have no mood, my face put that very serious and cool face, nobody dare to bother and talk to me, I can concentrate in my own work. Haha...~~

Having some sort of disappointment to some people. I don't know that kind of effort would those people appreciate or not, but in those days "observed", it brings disappointment. Shall I continue to show my concern?

Finally my problem since last year gone. It just disappear like that, without I realized. In certain circumstances, because of the habit since the problem happened, I do care about that person more than the others. Well, the feeling that I let go is not coming back, is DISAPPEAR as stated just now...

I do feel exhausted...
我知道我应该重新敞开心胸去相信别人,我正在尝试中。自从那几件事情发生后,我对大部分人已失去信心,信任。不断地对别人猜疑是真的很累...I am exhausted.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

lyrics-Be Your Wings by Girl Next Door

Be Your Wings

Kanji version
これが限界かと

無力を思い知り
前後不覚の感覚へ落ちていく
何もかも一人で
やろうとするなよと
遠のく意識に差しのべられた手が

僕はここにいる
君を見つめてると
閉ざされた世界を開いていく

Here i am let me be your wings
同じ今を生きるだれかが
いつもすぐ隣にいるんだ

Here i am let me be your wings
人は人を信じる事で
何度でも舞い上がれる

でもそういつまでも
甘えちゃいられない
その思い受け止め答えるためにも
救われた理由が
この手の中にある
これも絆と言うのなら離せない

僕のためじゃなく
僕らのためにある
不可能を可能に変える力

Here i am let me be your wings
だから僕も叫び続ける
自分を見失わないように

Here i am let me be your wings
心と心が響きあい
本当の勇気が生まれる

Here i am let me be your wings
同じ今を生きるだれかが
いつもすぐ隣にいるんだ

Here i am let me be your wings
人は人を信じる事で
何度でも舞い上がれる



English version
This is the limit
powerless feelings came to me
falling into the stage of no feelings
don't do anything by yourself
a helping hand in fading consciousness

I'm here
looking at you
Opening the closing world

Here I am let me be your wings
there is always someone next to you
who's living the same time

Here I am let me be your wings
Believing a person
makes you fly over and over

But you can't be
depending forever
take that thought to answer
the reason of being saved
is in your hand
If it's a bonding you can't let go

It's not only for me
it's for us
the power of making impossible to possible.

Here I am let me be your wings
So I keep screaming
Not to be lost

Here I am let me be your wings
Heart echoes one another
Real courage will show

Here I am let me be your wings
there is always someone next to you
who's living the same time

Here I am let me be your wings
Believing a person
makes you fly over and over



Chinese version
这就到极限了吗? 了解自身的无力
感觉渐渐麻木不仁

不要指望只靠一人便能成功
向着遥远的意识伸出双手
让你知晓我就在这里注视着你
逐渐开启那封闭的世界

我在这里,让我成为你的翅膀
同样活于当下的某人
总在离我最近的身旁
我在这里,让我成为你的翅膀
只要人们能够相互信任
就能一次次奋力起舞

但是 不能总是如此任性
若要接受这份感情 并给与回应的话
请将救赎的理由 紧握于手中

若这就是牵绊 那我不会轻易放手

不是为我一人 而是为了我们
这股力量能化不可能为可能

我在这里,让我成为你的翅膀

所以我会继续摇声呐喊

只为不再迷失自我

我在这里,让我成为你的翅膀

心与心相互辉映

就能产生真正的勇气


我在这里,让我成为你的翅膀

同样活于当下的某人

总在离我最近的身旁

我在这里,让我成为你的翅膀

只要人们能够相互信任

终能再次奋力起舞



Monday, February 15, 2010

this 4-5 weeks of Year 2 Semester 2

This week is the fifth week of Year 2 Semester 2. This week is about Chinese New Year. Everybody don't really wish to touch studies' stuffs. Tomorrow, I will "dig" the lab manual as the only studies stuffs I brought back to further my searching on info for report. I will be back on this Wednesday, which is the day after tomorrow. Friends that know that I back so early "thought" that I am crazy, what for back so early. I said, I need to do report, need to study and do revision, rush assignments, etc. Wednesday evening only will arrive Kampar. Then I need to do the washings, and clean my room bit by bit on Thursday onwards. Planned nicely for my days after I back Kampar on Wednesday. My brother also will back to the Kolej Matrikulasi Johor at Tangkak on Wednesday evening.

Well, on week 1, lecturers assigned the assignments to us. Then teaching session also starts. For the first few chapters still easy job for me. But the latter chapters, start to be harder, but still not a problem to me, still can catch up easily if do revision on time. Week 2 onwards, start to become busy with reports and assignments. When coming to Week 3, even more busy with reports and assignments (just a little more busy compared to week 2's). Week 4, a test is held on Monday for Metabolism II. For me, was quite smooth, the questions were some sorta easy, not that a really big problem for me. Just hope that I did well for the test and got the marks that I targeted. This week also, many people is busy doing packing. Everybody's holiday mood is on. So far, for this few weeks, studies is my biggest concern. The subject I scared the most is Molecular Biology. I shall work harder on it. And so far, my lecturers are good, quite like them and their teaching. Hope that studies won't create a great problem to me, please...

Got a chance to talk to a friend who we always talk to each other on our problems. Learnt not to be so "kiasu" and other enemies in studies through a seminar I attended last year. However, the more I want to correct myself, the more the I am being beaten. Since I lost most of the trust to my friends because of some incidents and some people, I scared to trust people more than I could. That's why there is a lack in communication between coursemates and me. Towards others, I can mix well. Seriously in the beginning, about studies stuffs, I have this thought-kiasuness in myself because coursemates are my enemies. Well, is not that I am mind in this kind of things: some coursemates said that I am selfish and treat them not that good compared I treat others. What?! Can't you just recall what I did? Don't always point others, think of yourself first. Made me think that all my effort of helping others like wasted. Friends from other course won't give me threat in studies compared to my coursemates. Agree? Then later I realized that I am some sort of being beaten by my evil side because I am not that "kiasu" before this. After talked to my friend, I shall start to reopen my heart to trust people more than I could. Rebuilt the trust in my heart towards others. I replied that I am trying, this really takes time. How should I communicate with my coursemates better? I have no sense of belonging since don't know when. How am I get to communicate with you all? I am trying...