contradictory? take unnecessary pains? I am wrong?

New challenges come to me everyday
I need to face it wisely
to avoid myself from get into
troubles and pressure


A new challenge comes
trying to challenge
my patience
my ability
my mind power


Used to have very pessimistic thoughts
now
I have to change myself
to face all the unexpected


A new job challenges me a lot
my patience
the way I behave and think
the way I handle things
the ability I adapt myself acting according to circumstances
understand and increase my mutual understanding to children's world
how they behave and think
what make them happy and sad
how can make them realise themselves
how to make them to appreciate their abilities and themselves as well


All the while I insist in thinking that kids
scare of scoldings and punishments
well
some do
some do not at all

From this, I know that I can't think of one side only,
I really need to self-questioning
so that I won't be considered as an inconsiderable teacher by those naive students
Sometimes I do admit that I am inconsiderable,
because I expected students are very "understanding"
understand what teachers want from them
and when they can't reach what I wanted
I will mad on them
Am I asking too much from them?
Always comparing them with the time when I was at this age.
People keep on asking me don't ask for trouble
but I didn't listen

Receiving the consequences now...

so fast?

Yesterday, almost towards the end of the tutor session, my students told me that STPM results gonna come out-end of Feb. I totally shocked. Why so fast in this year...? Haiz...whatever, it will come eventually...no matter early or late. Need to do all the applications to local university or private university.

What I regret is I did not do well in the major examination last year. But the questions also quite "cold" compared to past year questions. I just hope my results won't be so bad.

suffering or enjoying weeks?

2 weeks of teaching, more or less already get used to the environment.
I always wondering that am I use the wrong method to teach the students. For me, I often use the stiff method more than soft method. You know, the children scare of being scold or beaten, so when I scold the whole class loudly they shut up immediately and punish them standing. Some classes really really gone too far. They like to talk nonsense and make noise.

My throat hurt and my health is affected since I use the wrong method to shout n scold them. I should be use the method of breathing at pubic region instead I used the lungs' "energy". excessive energy is used and this affect my health. Asthma seems comes back. I feel very short of breath sometimes. But I bear it, maybe this make me looked tired, some collegues asked me. I just say I have nothing. This bring to bad mood, my students that really need to get scolds get scolded by me badly. If my condition is better, I can scold harder.

I hope the asthma won't get worse...

Apart from that, some students are improving. I am happy for that. It is a success though for a teacher. I will do it better.

...

去他的！

看

有时从镜子看到自己，穿着平时打死我都不穿的服装，看起来还蛮“成熟”的。也不曾看见自己穿的这么上眼。（不是自恋,ok?)
因为平时我对自己的身材没信心，虽然很多人说我很瘦，但我本人却不这么觉得。（是不是因为当局者迷，旁观者清？不过这句谚语好像用错了）
要我马上换形象是很难的啦。真的有点难...

最终

对你，我始终都没说出那番我想了很久的话。因为我在想，你也许会因我所说的伤心，伤心我为何会这么想。在我决定了不说的那一刻，我在想我做得对吗？变得我似乎有点过意不去及一直在发呆。唉...我想我把我的感觉写在日记里会更好。说了的话，我想后果不堪设想。所以还是不说的好。

我把以前的一些信及日记给撕得烂烂的，丢了，还嫌不够撕。感觉好像把以前不好地回忆给抛了，顿觉轻松。

Don't look back

A brand new year is just started,
we must face our life ,
we should look forward,
don't look backward.

Things that have happened
just let it go
you can't find it back
a history just let it be history,
you can't change it,
why not just face your life with all your courage?

Yesterday won't come back,
we should fill our life in a meaningful manner,
don't let your life left your regrets.