give me answer

我算不算是个偏激的人?

Because I don't believe in anything, can be considered as free thinker ( in the sense of belief ), I won't simply believe other people, even some matter such as love, relationship, existence of somebody/something upmost there, faith...etc.

Sometimes my mind and thinking may not the same as others, so am I considered a weird person? as I always being accused so...>.< I may think things in radical way, people may say I am so irrational and 小气，斤斤计较, because I don't wish to 与自己过意不去. Of course, I won't overact. Don't worry. I won't harm you no matter how I 不爽 towards you.

no explanation for this

我发觉有时的我，是真的很矛盾!!!

有些事我明明是这样想，
自己却在否认，
自己却明知故做，
...

说不出还是说得出的矛盾

My semester final is coming so soon. Normally the scene before the finals coming is everyone is looking, blaming, wondering their coursework marks for every subject. Of course, I won't be the unexceptable ones la...

However, until now, I only know two out of five subjects' coursework marks.>.<. One is quite satisfactory although not the one I want if compared to others. Really feel 不爽 and I know the person's tactic in getting so high marks for assignments, as I know the person is not really good. The other one, damn it, so low!!! I really no eye see that.>.<

The most confident subject, Physical Chemistry, the most ridiculous thing is I still don't know my coursework marks, in fact, nobody knows.
Actually, I am in between of wanna know and don't want to know my coursework marks. By the way, I wish it is as what I expected and not lower than it supposed to be la...if based on my effort and talent, it can't be lower than it should be.If not, I will be in sadness and regretful-ness and the most is I will be in "heart attack". Since I can't do anything after I know it ( even though mine is not as I expected ), so no point also for knowing it so late like that, destructing my mood only.
If I know mine, sure I want to know others. ( I am a "kiasu" person ), especially those I 不爽 to. If they get higher than me, I scared I will "lost control". So, I rather don't want to know.

当然我不能说我在化学科是很强的学生。但，至少在众多我所学的科目之中，化学是我最强，最拿手的科目。我当然不希望别人比我好。原谅我这自私的想法，因为难得“有机会出头”，你当然不想别人超越你。想象着，如果你被你不爽的人及你预想不到的人超越你，你会服气吗？答案当然是不会!!! 我会更拼，废话，这是当然的，及更偏激的，我会更虚伪地对待他们，来balance回自己。要不然，会与自己过意不去。请谅解我的心情，但别误解我的用词。

lost concentration

Recently I was so lost and blur. What am I bothering about?! I can't focus in my studies. I know I don't like particular section, am I trying to run away from that topic? Please, I need focus, please shift me back.
I don't want distraction.
I want focus.
FOCUS...
focus...
focus...!!!

I don't have any idea why I behave like that, why I feel like that. What am I bothering? What am I considering? What am I worrying?

Tell me,
tell me,
tell me...why?!

I am back

After abandoned it for so long, lastly I come back to face my own feeling. I was too busy to face my own feelings as I was too busy recently regarding homeworks. Reports, preparation for presentations, quizzes, tests. Lastly now I can sit and think deeply what have I lost in denying my own feelings. I have lots of feelings and wanna to express it out. But because of time constraint, now only I come back.
Sorry ya, blog. abandoned you for so long. So sorry.